An all star team of forum posters was assembled to put together a seriously humorous mock draft.  The picks were made with complete logic and reason, the captions were  made with a more light hearted approach.

Round  1 

1. Washington – John Wall – After an unfavorable season, the Wizards actually caught a break. John Wall is a monster talent and there shouldn’t be any debate about who the number one pick will be. But at some point, he’s going to hit the rookie… WALL! Ha, get it??? Why aren’t you laughing??? Uh-oh… This goes on for 59 more picks… – butidonthavemoney 

2. Philadelphia – Evan Turner – I’m glad Philly gets him. Hopefully he’s Brandon Roy. I can’t wait for his press conference, he sounds like he has an unpopped bubble in his throat. – JNixon-Iggy9 

3. New Jersey – Derrick Favors – New Jersey could use a lot of help, why not waste a pick on a guy with no skills but can jump really high? – yupyup 

4. Minnesota – Wesley Johnson – To everyone’s surprise David Khan does not take a point guard. Rather he takes the 2nd best turtle-looking player, Wesley Johnson. Wesley Johnson is a player who can do it all offensively, and will be a productive pro. – knicksfan7 

5. Sacramento – DeMarcus Cousins – Well, the Kings select DeMarcus "Muay Thai Elbow" Cousins. He is exactly what they need: a banger who can score with his back to the basket. Judging by his attitude problems, I wouldn’t be surprised to see him have quite a few "U Mad!" moments during his career. – OrangeJuiceJones 

6. Golden State – Al-Farouq Aminu – Greg Monroe makes a lot more sense here, but the Warriors aren’t too keen on sense. I figure Aminu (and his forehead) gets picked here, and Golden State gets another athletic forward who can defend and rebound. – butidonthavemoney 

7. Detroit – Greg Monroe – Would be the most unique talent in the draft and be looked as a perennial All-Star at PF/C if he didn’t leap like he had boulders tied to his ankles. Still reminds me of LaMarcus Aldridge meets Pau Gasol. – JNixon-Iggy9 

8. LA Clippers – Paul George – Another Kobe in LA? Maybe. Would’ve been nice for his team to go over .500 in the WAC though… plus he has 2 first names. Freak. – yupyup 

9. Utah – Cole Aldrich – The Jazz get a perfect player for the system and community. A hard working blue collar white guy who can block shots at will. – knicksfan7 

10. Indiana – Avery Bradley – He’s not a point guard… Yet. He’s not a shooting guard… Or is he? Regardless, he’s a tremendous athlete with excellent defensive instincts. Larry Bird REALLY wanted to take Hayward at this spot, but he ends up choosing need. – OrangeJuiceJones 

11. New Orleans – Luke Babbitt – Babbitt gets drafted only days after he announces the release date of his upcoming rap album entitled, "Self Discovery". His first single is going to be the club-banger, "I Got High (At the Combine)". The second is rumored to be the much-anticipated Gordon Hayward diss, "Prepubescent". – butidonthavemoney 

12. Memphis – Ed Davis – Ed “Maybe I should get my haircut for the big day” Davis will be a role player in the NBA. Think PJ Brown. – JNixon-Iggy9 

13. Toronto – Hassan Whiteside – Length and shot-blocking are incredible, being Tyson Chandler 2.0? Not so much. – yupyup 

14. Houston – Xavier Henry – It’s Zah-vee-A Henry. Houston gets a player who can stroke it and contribute right away either as a starter or bench player. Buyer beware: Hangs around the perimeter too much. – knicksfan7 

15. Milwaukee – Patrick Patterson – This is the type of guy you don’t want to play a game of pick-up basketball against — or with. He could inadvertently elbow you at the drop of a dime, and you wouldn’t do a damn thing about it; he wouldn’t apologize, either. – OrangeJuiceJones 

16. Minnesota – Ekpe Udoh – Ekpe Udoh seems like a stand-up guy. He would also be a great fit alongside Al Jefferson and Kevin Love skill-wise. He also has Larry King-like shoulders, which can be used to intimidate his opponents. Great pick. – butidonthavemoney 

17. Chicago – James Anderson – A shooter who is cash when left open and isn’t a very good defender. Still will be a contributor. And if you’re having trouble sleeping, watch his Draft combine interview. Guaranteed to knock you dead to the world for 9 hours. – JNixon-Iggy9 

18. Miami – Eric Bledsoe – With a name like Bledsoe you know he can quarterback an offense. – yupyup 

19. Boston – Lance Stephenson – Born Ready comes to Bean Town. He has come to get the buckets and win ball games. Hopefully he does not do anything he will regret like in his high school days. – knicksfan7 

20. San Antonio – Gordon Hayward – The Spurs get a steal in Gordon Hayward. Hayward’s not gonna get many steals… or blocks… or deflections… or props for playing "good D" during his career, but boy, is he versatile. – OrangeJuiceJones 

21. Oklahoma City – Daniel Orton – Daniel Orton is a perfect fit for the Thunder, who are a bit weak up front. Also he has the powerful, yet smooth voice of a Disney Prince, and his pronunciation is remarkable. These skills are what we like to call, intangibles. – butidonthavemoney 

22. Portland – Kevin Seraphin – Built like a tank, will be a very good post defender and will dunk on you. Not a post move to his name though. – JNixon-Iggy9 

23. Minnesota – Elliot Williams – Love my Memphis boys, and it’s hard to hate on guys on my favorite NCAA team. But he did go to Duke, stupid pansy. – yupyup 

24. Atlanta – Dominique Jones – Rodney Stuckey’s long lost brother. Does everything Rodney does, but is a much better scorer. Also, will help his team win games. – knicksfan7 

25. Memphis – Terrico White – With White on board, Memphis now has two point guards in training. Mike Conley’s starting spot is gone as soon as one of these guys gets 8+ assists in a game… Or as soon as either one of them can defeat Conley in a game of H.O.R.S.E. – OrangeJuiceJones 

26. Oklahoma City – Damion James – A versatile defender. He can back-up his former teammate Kevin Durant and provide some toughness in the frontcourt. Seriously, dude looks mean. – butidonthavemoney 

27. New Jersey – Devin Ebanks – Trevor Arizzaaaaa… I mean Devin Ebanks wouldn’t play much early but has shutdown D potential. Too bad he can’t score. :/ – JNixon-Iggy9 

28. Memphis – Greivis Vasquez – Pierre Niles said it best "We really ain’t talked too much about Maryland. We watched a little film on ’em one time, and I know they got a good player — I don’t know his name — but he good or whatever, so we just going to try to do what we do and stop him. I ain’t never seen them; I know they got one good player, Sanchez or something like that; whatever his name is." – yupyup 

29. Orlando – Nemanja Bjelica – Basically Hedo 2.0. He will do everything Hedo did before Hedo got lost north of the border similar to Orlando being lost in the ECF against Boston. – knicksfan7 

30. Washington – Solomon Alabi – The Wizards select another defensive-minded center to pair alongside Andray "Defense Makes Me Nauseous" Blatche. – OrangeJuiceJones 

Round  2 

31. New Jersey – Darington Hobson – He’s a Lobo! Do they need him? Not really. But he’s a better passer than Chris Douglas-Roberts, and he can score some points for the offensively challenged Nets. – butidonthavemoney 

32. Oklahoma City – Quincy Pondexter – No man should EVER cry as hard as he was crying on his Senior night. I don’t care if you’ll miss everybody. I’m surprised somebody hasn’t tried to commit a reckless crime on him or try to take his lunch money. – JNixon-Iggy9 

33. Sacramento – Willie Warren – Solid player, would really have been happy to get overdrafted if Dajuan Wagner had panned out though. – yupyup 

34. Portland – Ryan Richards – Kevin Pritchard is raising an army of international prospects. Who knows what kind of diabolical evilness he is planning… – knicksfan7 

35. Washington – Stanley Robinson – John Wall gets a guy he can throw alley-oops to on a nightly basis. – OrangeJuiceJones 

36. Detroit – Gani Lawal – Gani Lawal vs. Jason Maxiell. Who’s badder? I wonder if either one can dance… Now I’m just fantasizing. – butidonthavemoney 

37. Milwaukee – Jerome Jordan – I’ve never seen him play good, until he faced Hassan Whiteside in the C-USA tourney. He repeatedly backed ‘San down like he was a skinny Center trying to cheat off of him to pad his shot-blocking stats…Oh wait… – JNixon-Iggy9 

38. New York – Mikhail Torrance – Good job New York, you picked a guy I know virtually nothing about. I’m sure that will work out fantastic. – yupyup 

39. New York – Craig Brackins – Fits the SSOL offense well. Likes to score- Check Doesn’t play defense- Check – knicksfan7 

40. Indiana – Jordan Crawford – This potential scoring machine will take some of the scoring load off of Danny Granger’s shoulders, neck, lower back, left man boobie, biceps and hamstrings. Well… maybe not his biceps, but definitely his lower back. – OrangeJuiceJones 

41. Miami – Art Parakhouski – Who wouldn’t want this stud-muffin on their team? – butidonthavemoney 

42. Miami – Larry Sanders – He can now wipe his tears after waiting in his living room to hear his name picked. (He now calls Chicago and Milwaukee and confronts them about the guarantee they THOUGHT they had). – JNixon-Iggy9 

43. LA Lakers – Matt Bouldin – If all else fails, you get another guy with no sense of how to look good out of Gonzaga, and hey it has worked out so far. – yupyup 

44. Golden State – Armon Johnson – If Monta Ellis is the point guard, and Stephen Curry is the shooting guard, then I guess Armon Johnson has the “Nellie-Size” to play the small forward on the Warriors. – knicksfan7 

45. Minnesota – Lazar Hayward – The T’Wolves actually pick for a position that they need. – OrangeJuiceJones 

46. Phoenix – Trevor Booker – Best value here. He’s no Amare, but there is always a chance that Louis Amundson decides to stiff the Suns. They can take comfort in knowing they have a little insurance in Trevor Booker. – butidonthavemoney 

47. Milwaukee – Alexey Shved – Maybe he can use his skinniness for good and not evil. Seems like a safe bet to stay overseas. – JNixon-Iggy9 

48. Miami – Jarvis Varnado – Good thing he can block shots with the best of them. Good thing Miami needs that. Bad thing that the rest of his game sucks. – yupyup 

49. San Antonio – Dwayne Collins – Another one who dropped further than expected. Typical Spurs trend though, getting guys with talent who everyone else passes on, and fans of other teams continue to suffer. – knicksfan7 

50. Dallas – Derrick Caracter – He and Mark Cuban are gonna tear Dallas a new one. Imagine "The Hangover," but with alpacas, giant water balloons and a drunk Dirk Nowitzki. – OrangeJuiceJones 

51. Oklahoma City – Tibor Pleiss – Be honest, you don’t know anything about this guy. – butidonthavemoney 

52. Boston – Denis Clemente – Denis Clemente transferred from Miami because his coaches and teammates thought he was saying mean things to them in Spanish. Frank Martin could understand what he was saying though, so the name-calling was kept to a minimum at K-State. Fast as lightning with a deep arsenal of floaters and bad shot selection. – JNixon-Iggy9 

53. Atlanta – Manny Harris – I actually am a big fan of Harris, but to fall this far, you must be doing something very, very wrong. – yupyup 

54. LA Clippers – Luke Harangody – When you look at him, he doesn’t even resemble anything of a basketball player rather a local bartender. Though he is a strong man who can score at will. – knicksfan7 

55. Utah – Dexter Pittman – The Jazz finally get some size to compete with the Lakers during their inevitable 1st round matchup. Look out for Pittman vs. John Bryant battles in the D-League this year. They will be nothing short of epic. – OrangeJuiceJones

56. Minnesota – Brian Zoubek – I’m going out on a limb, and saying Zoubek averages at least 12 rebounds a game next season in the D-League. NBATV better broadcast the epic John Bryant/Brian Zoubek matchup next season… Instant classic. – butidonthavemoney 

57. Indiana – Mac Koshwal – I don’t know what’s worse. The fact that DePaul has been the worst program in major college ball, the fact that he will go down as the best player on the worst team in major college ball, or the fact that he still has the longer body organs of Lance Stephenson’s unborn children in his throat. All of the above you say? – JNixon-Iggy9 

58. LA Lakers – Jon Scheyer – Everyone’s favorite Duke sleeper, once you get past his inability to defend/bring anything to the table in the NBA, this is a great pick. – yupyup 

59. Orlando – Ryan Thompson – You know his older brother Jason on the Kings. No where near the talent his brother is, but his name will get drafted along with his average at most things, good at a couple things, not great at anything talents will keep him as a back of the rotation player. – knicksfan7 

60. Phoenix – Charles Garcia – The man who was hyped way out of control is now the "Mr. Irrelevant" of the NBA. – OrangeJuiceJones



  1. NY Knicks picks
    If the Knicks got Torrance and Brackins I’d be jumping for joy. Brackins won’t make it to the 2nd round and I’d be surprised if Mikhail slips past the Pistons at 36.

  2. Warriors
    I highly doubt they will pass on Greg Monroe. He seems like a great fit for them. A center, which they desperately need, who can face up and is an excellent passer with a great B-ball IQ.

  3. Good Stuff
    done pretty well, although note to knicksfan7, steph curry is a point guard in the mold of steve nash not a shooting guard, as evident by the fact he lead all rookies in assists last season.
    that mac koshwal description was outta control, i wanted to laugh but i was so confused.
    the derrick character one was a bit much too, does derrick have character issues?
    i loved the willie warren-dajuan wagner comparison tho…classic…although wagner was a stud he scored 100 points in a high school game and then went to memphis and averaged 20 points per game as a freshman while leading them to the NIT championship game. He was the Rose and Evans before Rose and Evans or Wall. And remenber he;s the only player that Caliprari coached that scored 20 plus as a freshman. In fact with the new rule where you have to go to college for a year which they didnt have when he was drafted you think that more high profile athlete would be averaging 20 as a freshman. But Durant, and Beasley are still the only two in recent memory i can think of that did that.

  4. Yo

    Thanks for all your comments guys!

    The Curry at shooting guard thing was a joke. We know he’s got PG skills, just alluding to the fact that Nellie has positional issues.

    I actually wrote that one because of the sudden trade between GS and Portland.

  5. nateoak

    Ok, that trade JUST happened. So how would we have known that?

    I don’t expect Cousins to be available, but I did just read a report that they are more interested in Monroe. Aminu is still a possibility though.

  6. I’m a Pacers fan
    I’m a Pacers fan and i don’t want any part of Stephenson’s unborn children. Lol. I’d say Larry would take a European guy with the 57th.

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