[jeffbobtomsteveParticipant]

I wake up every morning in a bed that’s too small, drive my daughter to a school that’s too expensive, and then I go to work to a job for which I get paid too little, but on NBA draft Day? Well, I like NBA draft Day.

Few quick things, this is what I would do if I were each GM, not gonna bore you with too much analysis but I promise I put thought into each pick and will happily elaborate on my thinking or engage in debate if you leave a comment but please dont give me a thumbs down, I will find you and I will murder your family.

1. Spurs – Wemby – Oh the things I wouldve done to see you on my beloved Thunder. The amount of money I wouldve spent, the amount of men I wouldve slain, oh the things I wouldve done. The amount of miles I wouldve trekked, the amount of horse jizz I wouldve ingested, oh the things I wouldve done.

2. Char – Scoot – This one is hard, Brandon Miller could challenge Ja as the best shooter in the league from day one but enough about what these guys choose to do in their spare time. I generally think point guard is an overrated position but Scoot is like Westbrook with the added intangible of self awareness. Does it fit with Lamelo is a popular question and I would say if Lamelo and Scoot are as good as everyone thinks they are then they should be able to make it work. LeBron and Kyrie shared a ball, Durant, Westbrook and Harden all shared a ball, I think two ball handlers is fine as long as one or both of them can shoot and they arent both small.

3. Port – Miller – This is a fascinating pick because they are working on two timelines and it feels like a trade needs to be made. Durant has been in Phoenix for a few months so I assume hes unhappy and looking for a way out, could Miller, Sharpe, Simons be the best available package to get him?

4. Hous – Amen – I really struggle with the twins, on one hand they are top shelf athletes with playmaking skills and a strong work ethic who dominated a professional league. On the other hand they were older than almost everyone in that league, a league that had hockey style power plays, and they also can’t shoot for dick. It seems like everyone is confused though because there isnt even a consensus on which twin is better. On paper a starting five of Amen, Green, Eason, Smith and Sengun has as much potential as any young team outside of the Thunder. As the lord says, potential brings hope and hope brings us together, Amen.

5. Det – Black – This one was tough, Hendricks was probably my backup option but there were five names I had to consider. I dont think any team can have too much passing, shooting or defense and Black checks two of those boxes and I could see him becoming better at shooting before I could see Ausar becoming better at shooting or Whitmore becoming better at passing. The only time Ive ever been wrong was thinking Suggs was way better than Scottie Barnes, I think I underrated Barnes just being big and able to dribble and Im not making that mistake again.

6. Orl – Jett – This is where I lose everyone but hear me out, Paolo is an overrated bitch and Franz is really their only true building block. The problem is Im not here to make trades Im just here to draft around the roster and this team probably has the least amount of shooting in basketball. They could take Ausar here as an upside swing but maybe everyone is sleeping on Jetts upside, his dad did play in the NBA. You know who elses dad played in the NBA and was underrated come draft day, Steph Curry.

7. Ind – Hendricks – Him and Jarace are pretty equal but Hendricks feels like hes got more upside, small college players get underrated too. Hate to go back to this so quickly but Steph Curry anyone? Kawhi, Paul George, Ja, Dame, thats just a few off the top of my head.

8. Wash – Ausar – I dont pretend to understand the Wizards but theres no time left to build around Beal and/or Porzingis so its time to turn the page into a new era. The Johnny Davis era is officially upon us and he could use a dynamic wing to take most if not all of the scoring and playmaking burden off him.

9. Utah – Whitmore – Another guy where I peg him somewhere between Jimmy Butler and Isaac Okoro and yet you people still flock to my mock for my expertise or maybe youre here for my wit more.

10. Dal – Jarace – I think Luka is transcendent and Im a Christian Wood apologist but I have no love for Kyrie and his antics, its honestly less about the anti-semitism and more about him thinking hes some introspective genius that us mortals cant understand. All of that is to say this team could use Jarace and his 10 out of 10 dog mentality.

11. Orl – Cason – Everyone loves Fultz and his ability to not have a mild stroke during a free throw now but Cason would still be an improvement and he has one of the highest floors in my opinion.

12. OKC – L. Miller – Was tempted to go Lively and form the ultimate rim protection duo but Miller keeps with their whole oversized creators thing. SGA, Dort, Giddey, Miller, Chet, out here for the next decade like bring it on Wenbenyama.

13. Tor – JHS – Not to be confused with VHS the outdated technology from my childhood, yes Im an adult. I doubt anyone remembers but I shot my wad for JHS after his big game against Purdue and I said he should be considered as high as 4th and I said this sites mock was a joke because they had Kris Murray at like pick 6 and it was based on nothing so I was only half wrong in my rant. Still better than anyone on first take.

14. NO – Lively – The thing about building a team is you need to have rose colored glasses. If this team has any shot at a ring it is going to be with a healthy Zion and you have to keep building around him despite the latest rumor that his unexplainable athleticism is because he is in stage one of being able to orbit around the sun. Lively brings you an elite rim protector that doesnt need to be overly involved on offense.

15. Atl – Coulibaly – No clue what their next move is, Trae and DeJounte dont seem to work together but also not sure how you can get much value back for either, they have good depth so I think its worth gambling for a star here. Could Coulibaly be the real star of that French team much like Dave Coulier was the real star of Full House? Wemby does have the exact height and weight of the Olson twins combined, that cant just be a coincidence.

16. Utah – Sensabaugh – Already regretting not adding Dick to this Mormon community partly because he is white and partly because I want to see how awkwardly they dance around all the euphemisms. Sensabaugh just seems like he has more upside, sorry white shooting guards but you cant keep resting on Jeff Hornaceks laurels.

17. LAL – Hawkins – Love this guy, his pure activity is a skill. The amount of energy it must take to guard him would put me in the hospital.

18. Heat – Bufkin – The Heat dont even need to draft players, they can just find the nearest homeless man and let Spo coach him up. That being said their latest diamond in the rough Gabe Vincent is gonna cash in and Lowry is getting old so a guard seems to make sense.

19. GS – Nnaji – The idea of Wiseman wasnt the problem, taking him 2nd was the problem. Tall athlete that can do two things, rim run and rim protect. Mitchell Robinson, Wiseman, Robert Williams, etc. These guys usually arent all stars but they do a job. If Jokic is the best sex of your life, these guys are a perfectly good handjob.

20. Hous – Dick – Grade A Dick is my nickname for him and Im willing to share it with you all. Big Gradey energy will come off the bench and splooge from deep time and time again. In a perfect world we can call Amen viagra because he helps Dick keep those scoring numbers up. If you dont think hes gonna get buckets then you dont know Dick. Penis.

21. Nets – Whitehead – Injuries affected him all year but the Nets can be patient since Ben Simmons is still a few years away from being able to shoot.

22. Nets – Keyonte George – While LeBron James drinks fetus blood and sleeps in a hyperbaric chamber to stay young Ben Simmons plays fortnite and jerks off with the wrong hand, its time to move on.

23. Port – Colby Jones – Dame, Jones, Durant, Grant, Nurkic doesnt sound too bad, you just have to pray that no one gets hurt. Wait hold on…. just getting word that Durant is unhappy being theoretically in Portland.

24. Sac – Kris Murray – This pick just needs to happen, twins belong together. Imagine if Tamara left the show sister sister and it was just called sister, that show would suck.

25. Mem – Strawther – Basically Dillon Brooks without the mental problems. Obviously its not that simple but they do need to replace him and they threw last years picks away with Roddey and LaRavia, I didnt even have Roddey as a second rounder.

26. Ind – Klintman – The Pacers have another pick right around the corner so we are rolling the dice here. Still not 100% sure Klintman is a real person but Ive heard the name more than once now so Im assuming he exists.

27. Char – GG Jackson – Another team with plenty of picks so despite my many concerns he is still somewhat intriguing in this range. I would like to know what the GG stands for, if its Great Guy Jackson Im more intrigued, if its Genital Grabber Jackson then Im out.

28. Utah – Prosper – You down with OMP? Yeah you know me. Probably the biggest combine riser for me, looked very basketbally out there if that makes sense.

29. Ind – Cissoko – Third G League boy off the board, third France boy off the board, third Pacer selection. As we know third is generally the turd but Cissoko should be a nice rotation piece.

30. LAC – Amari Bailey – The Clippers are everyones favorite pick to win it all every year despite being a two man team that usually features one or zero of those men most nights. Anyway, Bailey really swayed me down the stretch and hes a Cali kid.

31. Det – Clowney – Size still matters in this world, tall people get more job offers and my wife still picks out the biggest cucumbers at the grocery store. So while Im not the biggest Clowney fan I do see that hes a young big with enough skill to build on.

32. Ind – Rupert – This would be their 4th pick and they have another one coming so obviously trades will be made but Im gonna give them a project from France. Ive seen some lazy Nic Batum comps for this guy but then again I was called Dirk or Nash growing up depending on how tall my opponents were. (Im white)

33. Spurs – Nick Smith – Truly dont get the hype on this guy but early in the second round I could be talked into it. Hes not big, hes not a point guard and his team benched him in the tourney and then they played better. I get that he was a big time high school guy but I could make you a very very long list of top ten high school recruits that didnt work out. Even his name is super lame, Terquavion Smith, now thats how you do a name.

34. Char – Max Lewis – Im not gonna blame all of Pepperdines losses on Lewis, its not even a red flag for me. To me it just suggests that he shouldnt be the #1 option on a team and thats not really a concern for picks outside of the lottery. That being said if he cant win a ring in Charlotte within 5 years this will be a failed pick and the blame will fully rest on his shoulders.

35. Bos – Podz – The most underrated piece to any good team is a white guy with swag. Pritchard has conference finals level swag but Podz is bringing the Celtics championship level swag.

36. Orl – Vukcevic – Not talking about Nikola for all the casuals out there.

37. OKC – Lundy – Turn those Lindy minutes into Lundy minutes. Coin flip between him and Ben Sheppard but the Lindy Lundy thing pushed him over the top.

38. Sac – TJD – The Kings have such a fun team, this is just insurance if Sabonis gets hurt, they can just plug in Jackson-Davis and he can be a poor mans Sabonis. Both lefty bigs that can pass but score almost exclusively through sheer force and have former NBA fathers.

39. Char – Jaquez – If Bridges continues to be more interested in beating his wife than beating defenders off the dribble then Jaquez could be an early contributor.

40. Den – Andre Jackson – Such a weird prospect, I feel like Denver might be the only team that could work for him. Almost Bruce Brownish. I did pick Denver to win the title this year too if anyone is questioning my credentials after reading all this.

41. Char – Mo Gueye – Drafted a whole starting 5 for them, Scoot, Lewis, Jaquez, GG, Gueye. Gueye is this years youtube superstar aka the Thon Maker award.

42. Wash – Terquavion – Thats how you do a name Nick Smiths lame ass parents! Start with a cool sounding color like turquoise and just rearrange some shit then add something animal sounding, avion in this case. If theres no q, x or z in your childs name youve messed up, try again.

43. Port – Sasser – I assume Simons will be in whatever trade they make since hes the young guy with a higher salary so Sasser fills a need as a guard and someone thats ready to contribute. The only need they would have left is an owner that realizes they should trade Dame instead of their young core.

44. Spurs – Sheppard – Theres like 30 guys in the same tier at this point so anytime you can get someone like Sheppard who has some first round buzz its probably a good pick. Plus if youre the spurs youre just looking for guys that wont expose themselves throughout the day, gotta say Im team Primo, sometimes you just know in your heart that a woman needs to see it and theyll understand.

45. Mem – Walsh – Hes a very good defender and it begs the question, why arent all athletes shaving their entire bodies like he does or like swimmers do? Jordan Walsh is dedicated to being as fast and aerodynamic as possible. I sure hope Will Smith doesnt frequent this forum.

46. Atl – Mojave King – Hes underrated to me from what I saw at the combine. Speaking of underrated can we get Okongwu 30 plus minutes a game? Mark my words, 20 and 10 with top notch defense by the time he turns 25.

47. LAL – Julian Phillips – No one is cracking the playoff rotation this late so this is an upside pick. Plus theyll probably trade this pick for a 2024 2nd rounder to try to lock up Bronny.

48. LAC – Kobe Brown – I prefer the “too skinny for his position” type but I also have a soft spot for the “too heavy for his position” guy. That Chet vs Kenneth Loftin summer league matchup was probably the most fun Ive ever had watching basketball.

49. Cavs – Jordan Miller – I dare anyone else to do a write up in this style because once you hit Jordan Miller at pick 49 you will just stare at the screen and think about how there is nothing interesting or noteworthy about this pick.

50. OKC – Wong – Reinvigorated! Did what the homosexual community refers to as poppers, go Thunder go! Back to back Miami boyz, I was actually just down in Florida and theres so many freaking lizards! This little British girl kept counting them for us at a mini golf course, probably saw 50 lizards there alone! Dont get many lizards in Illinois no sirree, no lizards at all.

51. Nets – Keyontae Johnson – Got Keyonte George earlier, just noticed for the first time that they are spelled differently, its crazy the little things you notice when youre high, every instrument in every song suddenly starts playing separately in your head and youre like I didnt know there was a flute in the background of Where is the Love by the Black Eyed Peas.

52. Suns – Jalen Wilson – Poppers wearing off now, things are boring again. Boring isnt the worst thing in the 2nd round when you need depth as bad as the Suns do.

53. Min – Craig Porter – Another sleeper of mine, actually forgot about him until now because hes not on the damn list Im using to make these picks. Anyways the Wolves are probably still riding high after mortgaging their entire future to get Gobert and sneak into the playoffs this year but not having a pick until 53 might sober them and their fanbase pretty quickly.

54. Sac – Landers Nolley – This pick was partially because Landers Nolley was left handed in my mind but upon research he is not unless he switched after the two pictures I saw of him shooting.

55. Ind – Zvonimir Ivisic – Theres no I in team but theres 5 in Zvonimir Ivisic and at 7 foot 2 hes gonna come in and finally make Myles Turner expendable.

56. Mem – Nikola Durisic – Told myself I wasnt gonna take Emoni Bates but damn was this tempting.

59. Wash – Sanogo – Yes it goes from 56 to 59 thats not a mistake, there are no mistakes other than that I cant use apostrophes on this website for some reason. With two picks left Im just trying to make sure I get the best guys drafted and Sanogo was dominant in the tourney and that should still be enough to get drafted.

60. Mil – Sirjabari Rice – That pump fake is gonna be the best in the NBA from day one. Quick shout out the undrafted Drew Timmie – take those nimble feet over to Europe,

[NorrinRaddParticipant]

I can see something like that for the most part. Only thing I would definitively change would be Jett’s not going 5 at first glance. He didn’t measure well and never did pick up a guy on defense. Btw, love your analysis on Klintman.

[OhCanada-Participant]

Norrin hurry up with your damn mock. I saw on Barlowe’s channel you decided to redo it. Lets see what you got you can always redo it after more information comes out.

[NorrinRaddParticipant]

Hahaha, just starting it again.

[jeffbobtomsteveParticipant]

Yeah I have him at 6 and again its what I would do not what I think will happen. Orlando should probably make a trade, them and Detroit are kind of in a no win situation picking that high without great options on the board.

[OhCanada-Participant]

I disagree.

[jeffbobtomsteveParticipant]

with what?

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