[PurpleMonkeyDishwasherParticipant]

Thanks to/from canis hoopus:

Kevin Love, Ricky Rubio, and Derrick Williams are all headed to Orlando for the All-Star Weekend festivities – but the rest of the team gets some time off. This got us wondering – what does the rest of the team have planned for the weekend? After the jump, here’s our prediction:

•J.J. Barea: Has a one-week-old son, so probably wishing he could be back in the middle of a roaring stadium so he can have some peace and quiet for once

.•Anthony Randolph: Putting on a nice suit, getting together with a group of friends, going out for the evening, and then out of force of habit just sitting on the edge of the floor all night

.•Michael Beasley: Locked in a battle of wits with a lava lamp.•Nikola Pekovic: Headbutting a wall that "looked at him funny."

•Martell Webster: Starting to help an old lady across the street, panicking, then pushing her into oncoming traffic while fleeing for the curb.

•Brad Miller: Visiting all parts of his vertically integrated headband supply chain.

•Darko Milicic: Going home, unplugging his phone, and sitting quietly in the very center of a dark room, waiting for Monday when he has to come out and deal with all of us idiots again.

•Malcolm Lee: Trying, and failing, to find a better place to stay in Sioux Falls than the Motel 6.

•Anthony Tolliver: Running the numbers and discovering that Jeremy Lin wearing his clothing company’s gear means that Tolliver can retire tomorrow.

•Wes Johnson: Getting banned from eight different grocery stores for repeatedly dropping and breaking merchandise.

•Luke Ridnour: Drum circle. Just feelin’ the beat, man.

•Wayne Ellington: Calling his agent to find out if he’s still on the team or not.

What do you suppose your favorite non-allstar players will be doing?

[Memphis MadnessParticipant]

What about an ALL-BUST game? That would be fun to watch. You could do a rookie-soph bust squad versus the veteran BUST squad. I am picking Wes Johnson, Jimmer (so far), and Derrick Favors to head up the Young Guns squad. I will put Shelden Williams and Anthony Randolph to head up the Veteran Bust Squad with special guest referee Greg “The Glass Man” Oden.

That might be too depressing though…

What about an ALL HEAD CASE GAME? DeMarcus Cousins heading up the Young Guns squad with Metta World Peace, Russell Westbrook (debatable), Michael Beasley, a cameo appearance by Gilbert Arenas, and Chris “Bird Man” Anderson at center.

[PurpleMonkeyDishwasherParticipant]

Kurt Rambis would be well qualified to coach one of the teams you mentioned and he also has plenty of time on his hands.

[Chilbert arenasParticipant]

 Do you think Brad Miller uses the same headband every game since he never really plays and gets it sweaty? 

[Da1potParticipant]

 Nick Young- Will have a party at his house with his homies watching the game. When someone asks him to pass the chips, he’ll respond by saying "let me get about 20 more, then you can have some." Jordan Crawford will be like, "but I wanted to have 30 from that same bag." Jan Vesely and Trevor Booker assume that there will be leftovers, but they only get to pick up the empty bags and throw them in the trashcan after Rashard Lewis just can’t seem to deposit the bags properly. Javale McGee shows up late after he accidently goes to the wrong house, only to realize that Nick Young’s house is on the other side.

[Taylor Gang MikeParticipant]

 

Lavoy Allen- Going to church everday this weekend hoping and praying Spencer hawes does not come back from injury

Elton Brand- Calling Kobe’s phone and asking for the German doctors number, but Kobe will not return his calls

Tony Battie- Jus happy to be playing, but his body is telling him not too

Craig Brackins- acting like he dosent care bout the d league showcase

Spencer Hawes- Flying to China to try to get some chick to step on his back

Jrue Holiday- Hanging out wit B Jennings and J Teague to figure out why they arent getting respect since the 09 draft while play COD

Jodie Meeks- Going to the shooting range for the weekend

Lou Will- Playing 2k still shooting 20 shots a game and thinking its cool

Thad- thinking "am i a 3 or a 4"…. "idk why i signed wit this team in the offseason"….

Doug Collin- Thinking…. "If i were Team Chuck i would play Evan in 3-4 min spurts"

 

[Memphis MadnessParticipant]

They used to do an Old Timers game, I kinda wish they still had that. 

[Mr. 19134Participant]

PupleMonkey that sh!t is hilarious man big props.

And TaylorMike they were all spot on…Doug Collin- Thinking…. "If i were Team Chuck i would play Evan in 3-4 min spurts"…CTFU!!!

And I wonder is Iggy is wondering if he is playing lock down defense during the All Star game if hell get extended minutes.

Kobe is just sent out a chain text message to the rest of the West All Stars that said…"Don’t expect to get a lot of shots Sunday when I’m on the floor."

[Memphis MadnessParticipant]

Memphis Grizzlies

Mike Conley — keep practicing at being a sneaky good point guard.  Texting Kyle Lowry to see if he can come back to Memphis to back him up.  Also texting Greivous Vazquez.  Resting from playing too many minutes.  Texting Greg Oden "Hey buddy, why don’t U come to Memphis next year?  We need a great backup center."

Tony Allen — texting, going crazy, making tough layups and missing easy ones.  gritting and grinding. informing team officials that his broken jumper will be out for at least 2 more weeks — maybe longer.  figuring out how to guard Kevin Durant, Russell Westbrook, and James Harden AT THE SAME TIME.  

Rudy Gay — thinking about practicing free throws.  Seriously, he can’t shoot them this year.  Maybe his shoulder is still bothering him.  Wondering why he didn’t enter the dunk contest.  If he did they would rename it THE PAST PRESENT AND FUTURE RUDY GAY DUNK CONTEST featuring Rudy Gay as a perenial near all-star, Paul George (the new Rudy Gay), Derrick Williams (the new new Rudy Gay), and a just past-his-prime Dominique Wilkins as the old Rudy Gay (nice dunks, can score, grabs a few rebounds by accident, not a legit super star).  As an added bonus Kenny "Sky" Walker will make a cameo appearance in the RUDY GAY DUNK CONTEST, doing the exact same dunks as Gay, George, Willliams and Wilkins but with a flat top and an old Knicks jersey.

Zach Randolph — rehabbing.  Working on new jab step, step back rainbow jumpers.  Watching Moses Malone highlight tapes.  Day dreaming about dunking.  Teaching Mo Speights how to not jump.

Marc Gasol — being an all-star.  Texting his bro saying "hey bro where you at?  It’s the ALL STAR game. There’s no way that I made it and you didn’t."  This is kind of like Eli Manning winning the Super Bowl in Peyton Manning’s hometown.  Peyton and Pau started off strong but Eli and Marc are catching up.  So is it Eli Gasol now or Marc Sabonis (great touch, passing, toughness, rebounding)?  

OJ Mayo — channeling Kendall Gill.  I like the new hair style.  OJ is very effective this year as a sixth man as he can shoot some, score, pass, and handle the ball.  He can also D up a little.  Doesn’t have a pure stroke but he can get hot.  OJ Mayo is wondering aloud if he is not the new Vinnie Johnson but rather the new Joe Dumars.  Oh, and he just got his butt kicked by Tony Allen over a card game during the NBA All-Star Weekend PUNCH Out which followed the NBA All-Star Shoot Out.  Going from overrated to slightly underrated.

Dante Cunningham — going to the NBA All-Hustle Game.  Helping Grizzlies fans get over the loss of Shane Battier.  Playing pickup games and deferring to the other guys on offense, just concenrating on rebounding and running the floor.  Bringing energy to a local All-Star game watch party.

Quincy Pondexter — still getting confused for being Demarre Carrol around Memphis.  Chilling out and bringing a nice vibe to parties.  Glad he is off the Hornets but missing New Orleans.  Beale Street isn’t quite the same as Bourbon Street.

Mo Speights — doing his best Z Bo impersonation.  Going to All-Star weekend as Marc Gasol’s personal body guard.

Hamed Haddadi — working on being really tall and long.  Picking bench splinters out of his butt.  Finding out that his name means Greg Kite in Persian.  Working on new ways to be deceptively profficient around the basket. 

Jeremy Pargo — looking over his shoulder.  Asking his brother Jannero about shooting tips.  Watching Robert Pack highlight tapes for inspiration. 

Josh Selby — doing whatever he wants.  Eating bad food and staying in cheap motels in the D League.  Another dubious Grizzlies draft pick following Hasheem Thabeet, Demarre Carroll, and Xavier Henry.  Working on his "potential" but mainly playing X Box.  Hanging around KU missing his old college days.  Crashing a few frat parties.  

Sam Young — staying in Coach Hollins’ dog house.  Realizing he is as good a dunker as anyone in the dunk contest.  Wondering why the Grizzlies got Q-Pon who basically duplicates what he brings to the table.  Staying well rested.  Redefining the power-shooting guard position.

Darrell Arthur — still injured.  the forgotten Grizzly.  Thinking "Should I stay or should I go?"  Awkwardly running into Memphis Tiger fans around town who don’t realize that we also have an NBA team.

 

[PurpleMonkeyDishwasherParticipant]

Thank Canis Hoopus…  I gave them the credit at the top.  I just enjoyed what they wrote and thought it was good reading and such.

[JNixonParticipant]

 "Doug Collin- Thinking…. "If i were Team Chuck i would play Evan in 3-4 min spurts"

🙂 hahaha

[Author]

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