[Memphis MadnessParticipant]

There is a really good April Fool’s Mock Draft here so I decided to do my own.

(1) Charlotte Bobcats: The Bobcats have already amnestied this pick. Jordan’s best draft ever.

(2) Orlando Magic: Rudy Gobert. Rudy Gobert is shooting up the draft charts because everyone in the Tournament sucks. It also helps that no one has ever seen Rudy Gobert play. My sources tell me though that Rudy Gobert can really defend the heck out of a chair, hence the name Rudy “The Chair” Gobert.

(3) Cleveland Cavilers: Britney Griner. Like LeBron James, well, I mean if LeBron James had a pair of nads.

(4) Phoenix Suns: Former Maryland bust Terrence Morris, who becomes an honorary Morris Twin. The Morris Triplets have Suns fans lining up to buy tickets.

(5) Detroit Pistons: The Pistons trade this pick, a future second round pick, and cash for the rights to Darko Milicic.

(6) Sacramento Kings: Otto Porter. Unfortunately, no one in the Kings organization has good cable so they didn’t have Tru TV when Mr. Porter really sucked.

(7) Minnesota Timberwolves: Trade the pick to the Raptors for Random Tall White Guy also known as Andrea Bargnani.

(8) New Orleans Pelicans: Nerlens in Nawlins baby!

(9) Oklahoma City Thunder: The Thunder play a Jedi Mind Trick and trade this pick to the Rockets for James Harden, two second round picks, cash, and a power forward to be named later.

(10) Washington Wizards: Victor Olidipo. The Wizards go after a bouncy athlete with a great motor. Great pick for them even if their backcourt can’t shoot really well.

(11) Philadelphia 76ers: Cody Zeller. They always wanted a Spencer Hawes clone and now they have their man.

(12) Portland Trailblazers: Kevin Ware.

(13) Dallas Mavericks: Steve Alford. Steve Alford becomes the first “player” to be drafted by the same team in two different decades. Steve hasn’t played in a while, but, “he is so hot right now!”

(14) Utah Jazz: Anthony Bennett. An undersized power forward? Where do the Jazz sign up?

(15) Milwaukee Bucks: Glenn Robinson III. Bucks brass also puts a deal together with the Minnesota Timberwolves in order to grab Jesus Shuttlesworth Jr. with a second round pick.

(16) Cleveland Cavaliers: Antoine Carr. It’s a run on Big Dawgs!!!

(17) Boston Celtics: Ben McLemore. McLemore falls more than expected and winds up in a backcourt with Rajon Rondo. The Luck of the Irish strikes again. Thankfully, the Michigan Wolverines don’t play in the Atlantic Division.

(18) Atlanta Hawks: Mason Plumlee. The Hawks still miss Jon Koncak.

(19) Chicago Bulls: Ryan Harrow. The Bulls are seriously worried about Derrick Rose and plan to put D Rose third on the depth chart behind Marquis Teague and Ryan Harrow.

(20) Atlanta Hawks: Alex Lin. Because there is always a chance that Mason Plumlee doesn’t pan out.

(21) Utah Jazz: Trey Burke. A very solid pick here and the Jazz hope to find their point guard of the future.

(22) Brooklyn Nets: Russ Smith. Russanity arrives in Brooklyn. The Russ/D Will backcourt sets a record for most shots in a season.

(23) Indiana Pacers: Butler star and hall of fame chucker Rotnei Clarke. But, this guy can play and score so it’s a no-brainer pick here.

(24) New York Knicks: James McAdoo. Bob McAdoo screwed up the Knicks (among several other teams) in the bad old NBA era, but there’s no way James McAdoo can do it to, right? Right?

(25) Minnesota Timberwolves: DJ Stephens. Ricky Rubio needs someone to throw alley-oops to.

(26) LA Clippers: Shabazz Mohammed. Local “star”. The Clips role the dice on ball dominant wing player, but the Clippers lack wing scoring and take a chance.

(27): Denver Nuggets: Andre Hollins. Possibly the most fun team in the NBA and a sleeper pick out West for the next five years. All they need is some shooting. Andre Hollins can shoot the ball. Good scorer too. Not a true point guard but the Nuggets don’t care. Look for Full Metal Andre backcourts off the bench with Andre Hollins and Andre Miller.

(28) Oklahoma City Thunder: Michael Carter-Williams. After turning the ninth pick into James Harden, cash, a power forward, and some draft picks, the Thunder go after a legit floor general who can pass, drive, handle, and score. Not even Scottie Brooks can screw up a MCW, Westbrook, Harden, Durant, and Ibaka lineup. Right?

(29) San Antonio Spurs: The Spurs Zen Masters of Basketball keep to themselves. They scribble a name on a piece of paper and hand it to David Stern. David Stern is at the podium and calls out the pick. “With the 29th pick of the 2013 NBA Draft the San Antonio Spurs select ANTHONY WIGGINS.” Anthony Wiggins is in the Green Room and shakes the commissioner’s hand. Yeah, technically a high school kid can’t get drafted by the NBA, but once David Stern speaks it is thus written in stone and shall be. The Spurs get THE GUY, and make everyone else look like absolute fools. Skip Bayless gives the Spurs’ draft a C minus.

(30) Phoenix Suns: The Suns relocate to Baltimore and join the new Big East. The Baltimore Suns become the most feared newspaper in the new Big East.

[DlesnieParticipant]

Meh.

[qDizzle32Participant]

Not even funny

[SubZeroParticipant]

Who is Anthony Wiggins?

[TurnipParticipant]

Know what would have made that better? Jokes.

[Toronto16Participant]

I negged you for the #12 pick. Wasn’t cool.

[R-Dot-13Participant]

Sadly just wasn’t as funny as the one already made today.

[Author]

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