i need some opinions... off topic

This topic contains 46 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by Malik-Universal 15 years, 9 months ago.

Author
Posts
Posted on: Mon, 09/13/2010 - 11:45am #21539

Malik-Universal
Participant
ima song writer… so i was wondering wat u guys think of this song… i know i mite get laughed at but idc it goes pretty deep, so u guys prob wont have any idea wat im talkin bout… i hope u guys like it
VERSE 1
INTRO:
Yo, Ima lay out the mats
Keep the record of these stats
Make copies, distribute, circus gonna be packed
Suggest you write it down that’s in tact
Recite, and repeat it back
Feeling of whiplash, unexpected sneak attack
Listened and concluded, reacted to my radar track…
Yo… I’m present, rose fulfilled scented
Universal centered, presence entered
Spotlight blotch, surround the perimeter
Acid rain drops, sunny in my circle, 24/7, sent from heaven
Your claims and bids in debt
Reset, rewind, before the blunt you supposedly hit
Before the match got lit
Before the influence
Reminisce when I inspired you to
Study my arithmetic, dialect, intelligent
Prisms of reality bent
Lies countless legit, fantasize
Don’t deny the phony to which you commit
VERSE 2:
Decision 2010, schemes planned out
You count to 10, amber alert, no where to be found
Posted prints, detect trails wash away the rinse
Solo missions on tip
Newsfeed shells shifted gears in sprint
Place permanent, jail house walk of shame immanent
On the stand, outta words for innocence
Admit, plead the fifth
I’ll take notes, stylistic cursive
If you can’t catch my drift
Gusts spiral from first of the month
Till the calendar flips
And the tongues verbalized
Your diagnosed as illiterate
VERSE 3:
Threshold in transition
Beam balances struck cords
Elite exercise, composed consistent
Not parallel with my competition, humiliate opposition
Paces buzz glorify and peak in meanest conditions
Credit given, acclaimed title winnin’
Top dog position , savor my decision
And feed myself wealthy till I’m no longer livin’
As for you, fingers point and accuse
Controversy leaks turns into breaking news
Satisfied with this sky blue, top ten,
10 mill click views, sensation underground
Trapped miners savior found, my patterns and routines
Flip your fantasy inside out
I can finally breathe….
OUTRO:
That’s Where I seep, sly fox osmosis genes
Approach is firm, tone is kindle to burn
Linguistics churn, Thoughts disintegrated
Intimidate my own shadow, words conquer
And conclude manipulated
0
Posted on: Mon, 09/13/2010 - 12:06pm #400294

Michael.S.
Participant
Not bad, should put it on youtube. No chorus?
0
Posted on: Mon, 09/13/2010 - 12:06pm #400309

Michael.S.
Participant
Not bad, should put it on youtube. No chorus?
0
Posted on: Mon, 09/13/2010 - 12:07pm #400296

Malik-Universal
Participant
no chorus… those r really hard… i just write them, no recording
0
Posted on: Mon, 09/13/2010 - 12:07pm #400311

Malik-Universal
Participant
no chorus… those r really hard… i just write them, no recording
0
Posted on: Mon, 09/13/2010 - 12:17pm #400306

Jlv2010
…
0
Posted on: Mon, 09/13/2010 - 12:17pm #400321

Jlv2010
…
0
Posted on: Mon, 09/13/2010 - 12:21pm #400313

Michael.S.
Participant
…..
0
Posted on: Mon, 09/13/2010 - 12:21pm #400327

Michael.S.
Participant
…..
0
Posted on: Mon, 09/13/2010 - 1:12pm #400391

LazarusMunoz
Participant
Dunk the ball Manute Bol,Dunk the ball Maunte Bol
Theres your chorus,problem solved!
0
Posted on: Mon, 09/13/2010 - 1:12pm #400376

LazarusMunoz
Participant
Dunk the ball Manute Bol,Dunk the ball Maunte Bol
Theres your chorus,problem solved!
0
Posted on: Mon, 09/13/2010 - 1:13pm #400395

Mr.Knick 32
Participant
As someone who also writes music. Good Job.
It’s tough to create lyrics.
0
Posted on: Mon, 09/13/2010 - 1:13pm #400380

Mr.Knick 32
Participant
As someone who also writes music. Good Job.
It’s tough to create lyrics.
0
Posted on: Mon, 09/13/2010 - 1:58pm #400470

Malik-Universal
Participant
thanks man
0
Posted on: Mon, 09/13/2010 - 1:58pm #400485

Malik-Universal
Participant
thanks man
0
Posted on: Mon, 09/13/2010 - 1:58pm #400474

Hale
Participant
I really like the beginning of the 3rd verse, that’s sick.
0
Posted on: Mon, 09/13/2010 - 1:58pm #400489

Hale
Participant
I really like the beginning of the 3rd verse, that’s sick.
0
Posted on: Mon, 09/13/2010 - 2:00pm #400476

Malik-Universal
Participant
thanks man…. people seem to like it when i show em some spots of some songs i make… its a passion of mine to do lol… i aint like a rapper or anythin lol
0
Posted on: Mon, 09/13/2010 - 2:00pm #400491

Malik-Universal
Participant
thanks man…. people seem to like it when i show em some spots of some songs i make… its a passion of mine to do lol… i aint like a rapper or anythin lol
0
Posted on: Mon, 09/13/2010 - 2:04pm #400484

Wreckless
Participant
You should rap off of an instrumental.
Im going to try to rap off of this.
Any who, the rap was pretty solid tho.
0
Posted on: Mon, 09/13/2010 - 2:04pm #400499

Wreckless
Participant
You should rap off of an instrumental.
Im going to try to rap off of this.
Any who, the rap was pretty solid tho.
0
Posted on: Mon, 09/13/2010 - 2:04pm #400486

Malik-Universal
Participant
dat song was a klassic lol
0
Posted on: Mon, 09/13/2010 - 2:04pm #400501

Malik-Universal
Participant
dat song was a klassic lol
0
Posted on: Mon, 09/13/2010 - 2:26pm #400516

TheFactionCoalition.com
Participant
Not that I know a ton about music but this seems more like a poem than a song. Lyrics are a little complex for most songs that get big. As far as the chorus most of us know the chorus is only important if you want a top 20 track. I don’t know who you’re writing for but I doubt that’s what you’re going for. You seem more artistic, like you’re trying to express something and everyone may not understand it.
Top hits on the other hand are supposed to express a story that people can comprehend even if they don’t know what it’s exactly about…Like “I’ll be Watching You” everyone thought it was a love song but it’s about Big Brother.
With your song it’s most likely only you and the few other people that like to analyze lyrics would understand what you’re trying to say. Like I said, if you’re writing for yourself it’s cool. You’re def talented. If you’re trying to write a song you’re hoping to get a group to pick up my advice would be dumb it up just a bit. And the chorus is NEVER about good lyrics. It’s usually the worst lyrics in the song. If you’re going to have somewhat difficult to understand lyrics the chorus can be the sum of what the song is about…just a thought
0
Posted on: Mon, 09/13/2010 - 2:26pm #400531

TheFactionCoalition.com
Participant
Not that I know a ton about music but this seems more like a poem than a song. Lyrics are a little complex for most songs that get big. As far as the chorus most of us know the chorus is only important if you want a top 20 track. I don’t know who you’re writing for but I doubt that’s what you’re going for. You seem more artistic, like you’re trying to express something and everyone may not understand it.
Top hits on the other hand are supposed to express a story that people can comprehend even if they don’t know what it’s exactly about…Like “I’ll be Watching You” everyone thought it was a love song but it’s about Big Brother.
With your song it’s most likely only you and the few other people that like to analyze lyrics would understand what you’re trying to say. Like I said, if you’re writing for yourself it’s cool. You’re def talented. If you’re trying to write a song you’re hoping to get a group to pick up my advice would be dumb it up just a bit. And the chorus is NEVER about good lyrics. It’s usually the worst lyrics in the song. If you’re going to have somewhat difficult to understand lyrics the chorus can be the sum of what the song is about…just a thought
0
Posted on: Mon, 09/13/2010 - 2:28pm #400522

Malik-Universal
Participant
i just do it for fun man lol, but thx tho
0
Posted on: Mon, 09/13/2010 - 2:28pm #400537

Malik-Universal
Participant
i just do it for fun man lol, but thx tho
0
Posted on: Mon, 09/13/2010 - 2:36pm #400538

Malik-Universal
Participant
i purposely didnt include a chrous
0
Posted on: Mon, 09/13/2010 - 2:36pm #400553

Malik-Universal
Participant
i purposely didnt include a chrous
0
Posted on: Mon, 09/13/2010 - 2:55pm #400564

SubZero
Participant
Dang I wish I could write songs lol
0
Posted on: Mon, 09/13/2010 - 2:55pm #400579

SubZero
Participant
Dang I wish I could write songs lol
0
Posted on: Mon, 09/13/2010 - 3:01pm #400574

Malik-Universal
Participant
did u likey lol
0
Posted on: Mon, 09/13/2010 - 3:01pm #400589

Malik-Universal
Participant
did u likey lol
0
Posted on: Mon, 09/13/2010 - 3:04pm #400580

SubZero
Participant
Yeah man lol props
0
Posted on: Mon, 09/13/2010 - 3:04pm #400595

SubZero
Participant
Yeah man lol props
0
Posted on: Mon, 09/13/2010 - 3:05pm #400582

Malik-Universal
Participant
thx bro
0
Posted on: Mon, 09/13/2010 - 3:05pm #400596

Malik-Universal
Participant
thx bro
0
Posted on: Mon, 09/13/2010 - 3:06pm #400586

Wreckless
Participant
You can rap better than 50 Tyson.
0
Posted on: Mon, 09/13/2010 - 3:06pm #400600

Wreckless
Participant
You can rap better than 50 Tyson.
0
Posted on: Mon, 09/13/2010 - 3:09pm #400597

Malik-Universal
Participant
awww cmon man lol… tht just insulted me lol obvs!!! ahahha
0
Posted on: Mon, 09/13/2010 - 3:09pm #400610

Malik-Universal
Participant
awww cmon man lol… tht just insulted me lol obvs!!! ahahha
0
Posted on: Mon, 09/13/2010 - 3:17pm #400613

TheFactionCoalition.com
Participant
Props to 50 tyson cuz had a chorus, it was: I’m 50 tyson.
Can’t imagine there was really an album coming out real soon.
I’m 50 tyson I’m 16 and next year I’ll be . . . what . . . remix!
And for that we thank you.
0
Posted on: Mon, 09/13/2010 - 3:17pm #400626

TheFactionCoalition.com
Participant
Props to 50 tyson cuz had a chorus, it was: I’m 50 tyson.
Can’t imagine there was really an album coming out real soon.
I’m 50 tyson I’m 16 and next year I’ll be . . . what . . . remix!
And for that we thank you.
0
Posted on: Mon, 09/13/2010 - 3:21pm #400619

Wreckless
Participant
Lol Real talk I ordered the tee shirt.
0
Posted on: Mon, 09/13/2010 - 3:21pm #400633

Wreckless
Participant
Lol Real talk I ordered the tee shirt.
0
Posted on: Mon, 09/13/2010 - 3:27pm #400622

Malik-Universal
Participant
imagine sayin 50 tyson in mike tysons voice… mmhhh…???
gay perhaps
0
Posted on: Mon, 09/13/2010 - 3:27pm #400636

Malik-Universal
Participant
imagine sayin 50 tyson in mike tysons voice… mmhhh…???
gay perhaps
0
Author
Posts

You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

i need some opinions… off topic