McDunkins simplified movie plot summaries
The Notebook - Two adulterous demons ruin the lives of countless people that love them with their off and on again relationship.
Home Alone - Bad parents leave 10 year old boy at home by himself while they jet off to Europe. Young boy then engages in a life or death battle with two pedophiles trying to enter his home. He designs & lays several traps to kill pedophiles but is unsuccessful, only maiming them before inadequate police force come to the rescue. Bad parents lose said Child yet again a year later.
Cloud Atlas - I have no $&@!&!@ idea.
Batman - Rich man attacks the mentally ill
The Matrix - Man attempts to save humanity from extermination at the hands of computer overlords by becoming malware.
Superman: Alien Invader appoints self savior of all humanity and villifies those who oppose him.
Twilight - 16 year old girl falls in love with a 109 year old man but, its not gross. He's a vampire.
Contagion - Gwyneth Paltrow eats chinese food without washing her hands, gets super aids, and damn near kills everyone on the planet.
Harry Potter - boy leaves his family to become a demon like his parents.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Part 2) - Fred dies, Snape Dies, Voldemort Dies, Neville lives. Harry grows up and continues to be a mediocre magician.
Lethal Weapon - Aging black cop partnered with crazy white man by his superiors in a plot to force him into early retirement. Property damage and insurance claims ensue.
Hancock- Powerful once-beloved black man is significantly weakened and nearly destroyed by his love for a white woman. Loosely based on the life of OJ Simpson
The Shining - Man put in charge of house sitting abandoned motel cant handle the responsibility and decides to kill his family.
Jaws - Shark figures that humans taste better than seals. Goes ham.
Taken - Irresponsible mothers decision to let her child go on vacation overseas gives overprotective father a reason to kill.
Poltergeist - Family lives in a house in a newly-constructed subdivision built on a graveyard. Hilarity ensues as current/former tenants protest.
Friday - A heart warming tale of an unemployed man who is drawn into a life of drug abuse, crime and violence by his best friend. Just when all seems lost, he learns that sometimes you have to fight to protect those you love.
Up - Wife dies and man goes on vacation
Seriously, we need to and get the offtopic forum back rolling like it used to.
Die Hard 1 - Man risks life and limb and walks across glass barefoot to save wife from terrorist only to get a divorce.
Memento: Man searches for wife's killer but can't remember anything after the murder except for the fact that he can remember that he has a condition that impairs him from remembering things.
Every Steven Seagal movie ever released- "I am invincible"
Fast and Furious: criminals breaking the law by having nonsanctioned street races putting everyone's life at risk due to wreckless driving...to benefit their greed for money
Shawshank Redemption-Man is sent to prison, get's raped, and later escapes by crawling through a tunnel filled with sh!t. Also an old man hangs himself, the warden kills himself, and a fat guy gets beaten to death by a guard.
Titanic-Boy falls in love with girl on doomed cruise ship. After ship sinks, boy dies from wading in freezing cold water because girl would not share the enormous wood door she was floating on
Beerfest-Alcoholics binge drinking in America and Germany
Les Miserables-Someone steals a piece of bread and everyone dies in the end
The Departed-Everyone dies
Gladiator-Roman general turned gladiator makes emperor his b!tch. Dies in the end.
Bonnie and Clyde-They die
Public Enemies-Bank robber John Dillinger dies, FBI agent who caught him later commits suicide.
Inception-Man goes to sleep, then wakes up (repeat)
Boogie Nights-Man with enormous pen!s does lots of cocaine and has sex with lots of women in the 1970's. HIV test results pending sequel.
The Social Network : a$$hole genius Mark Zuckerberg creates the attention whore network we all know as Facebook by ripping off the idea from several not as smart school mates and screwing over his best friend and financial backer.
Mulholland Drive - Daydreaming rookie actress gets f****d and dumped
Iron Man 3 - Man attempts to cure his PTSD by killing someone.
Lincoln - Man frees colored people and is then shot, fortunately not by colored people
Django Unchained - Man frees colored person. Colored person shoots everybody. Colored person does not shoot Abraham Lincoln. That was someone else.
Predator: Intergalactic killer species meets Arnold &$#%#&@!king Swartzenegger
Superman - Alien super hero hides his true identity by pretending to be a newspaper writer and wearing a pair of eyeglasses.
SupermanII - Alien super hero unmasks his true identity to his secret lover by removing eyeglasses.
Avatar-Human solider uses device to transfer his mind into a drone of a giant blue alien, solider then f**ks another blue alien, solider then becomes a blue alien.
The Leprechaun-Homicidal and desperate humans steal gold from an elderly and handicap leprechaun. When leprechaun asks for gold back, the humans murder him and throw his body down a well to cover up their crime.
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull- Illegitimate son of a 90 year old archeologist tracks down his father at American university. Both men later go to the Amazon to destroy priceless artifacts as well as proof of the existence of aliens.
Nightmare on Elm Street 2-Secretly homosexual teen kills school mates after having vivid sexual dreams involving another man wearing a fedora, sweater, and a glove on one had.
Eat Pray Love-Who gives a sh*t
2012-John Cusack saves the world from a bunch of fake/impossible series of events only possible in a special effects driven film.
Old Boy-Alcoholic advertising exec is imprisoned inside a room for 20 years by unknown captor. Once the man is released, he binges on Chinese food and subsequently sleeps with his daughter. *Bonus: Samuel L Jackson appears in movie as leather clad neo nazi/punk rocker warden of makeshift prison.
Frozen (2013) A young girl spends years in solitude & must plan her parent’s funeral alone because her sister is secretly one of the X-Men
Finding Nemo (2003) A father is criticized for being overprotective after his wife & kids are murdered & his only surviving son is kidnapped
Home Alone 2 (1992): A homeless woman saves the life of a wealthy child & is rewarded with a cheap tree ornament instead of food or shelter.