The Man, the Myth, the Legend: Gordon Hayward

Fri, 04/02/2010 - 12:03pm

NBA people have been looking forward to the summer of 2010 for years now because the best player in the game will possibly be finding a new home. All this LeBron, Wade, and Bosh stuff has just been a smokescreen for the real prize – Gordon Hayward. (They don’t want to be accused of tampering after all.) If Larry Bird is Basketball Jesus then Gordon Hayward is Basketball Moses, Buddah, Allah, and L. Ron Hubbard rolled into one. Indiana’s chosen son has done it all. He won the Indiana high school state title his senior year on a buzzer beater (proof: and now he’s led a Butler team to an improbably Final Four appearance just miles from their campus in Indianapolis. Is there anything this hoops demigod can’t do? No, no there’s not.


Gordon HaywardGordon HaywardWhen they cut Gordon Hayward’s umbilical cord, he grabbed it, balled it up, and shot it in the nearest trash bin without hitting the lid.

In 1993, Gordon Hayward was the stunt shooter for the Bird-Jordan HORSE McDonald’s commercial. He was 3 years old at the time.

Gordon Hayward starred in Space Jam 2, but then he blew out the second Monstars team so bad that it wasn’t even entertaining. He played them 1 on 5, by the way.

Gordon Hayward plays on God’s intramural team during the summer.

A Gordon Hayward swish – that is what it sounds like when the doves cry.

Gordon Hayward out rebounds Spider-Man in pick-up games. Gordon sense >>>> spider sense.

If Shaq is Superman (screw you nickname robbing Dwight Howard), than Gordon Hayward is Doomsday. (If you don’t get that reference then you probably had a girlfriend in high school.)

Vince Carter got the idea for dunking over Frédéric Weis from the time when Gordon Hayward dunked over VC.

Gordon Hayward was the bellboy for the Dream Team. He would’ve suited up, but the people in charge of USA Basketball didn’t want to embarrass the Angolans.

Gordon Hayward was only listed as a 2-3 star recruit because the recruiting services numbers don’t go two places. These ratings actually represent him being a 12 or 13 star recruit.

Gordon Hayward is bigger than Greg Oden. You know what I’m talking about.

Gordon Hayward’s shot is so smooth; Fabio can’t believe it’s not butter.

Jimmy Chitwood had a Gordon Hayward poster in his room.

The Man Himself

Gordon HaywardGordon HaywardGordon Hayward possesses everything you’d want from a player. His shot is so pretty that it seems shocking when it doesn’t go in (he is only shooting 29.5% from 3-point range this year, but doesn’t seem to be a test of true talent especially considering he shot 44.8% last year from deep while taking more attempts). He can ball handle and pass with a guard’s touch. He’s a very heady player that displays a high basketball IQ (not surprising considering his high non-basketball IQ – he’s an engineering major). He’s shown that he’s not afraid to bang down low to get rebounds, at times displaying the kind of grit that reserved for the guys at the end of bench who need to be fierce to even make the team. He’s also no slouch on the defensive side of the ball, using his size and length to be a pesky little cog in Bulter’s terrific team D.

Most importantly, Gordon has shown a knack for the big moment. For those heretics skeptics who didn’t think his performance in the Indiana 4A state title game wasn’t enough, the cojones he displayed in the Elite Eight matchup against Kansas State sealed the deal. He came up with two plays when his team needed it the absolute most. Most people will probably remember the layup he hit after his teammates’ tremendous hustle to save the ball, that essentially sealed the game by putting Butler up 6 with 1:03 to play, but that wasn’t his shinning moment of clutch.

Tied at 54 with under 3 minutes to play, Butler ran a backdoor alley-oop play for Hayward. It’s a play that they botched on the very first possession of the game. Hayward ran the play to perfection but Willie Veasley, who was bringing the ball up the floor, threw up a horrible pass. Hayward somehow managed to catch the ball behind him, with his momentum carrying him away from the hoop, gain a sense of balance and control and bank in the bucket that put his team up for good. Guys who don’t have the proverbial “it” don’t make that shot, especially at that point in the game with a Final Four appearance potential riding on the player’s ability to catch the ball mid-air while out of control, maintain focus, and put perfect touch on the shot. That is a ballers play. Don’t be shocked if (or should I say “when”) he hits the buzzer beater to win Butler a national championship on Monday.

And while it may not come into play on the court, Gordon is more adorable than kittens on YouTube. If there was a viral video of Gordon jumping in and out of a big cardboard box it would get so many hits that it would crash the internet. So when considering his draft stock you must consider the marketing opportunities. Namely to the scream tweeners who are ready to move past their Jonas Brother phase and enter point in their life were the realize jocks are the ultimate prize. Can’t you picture Gordon’s heartbreaking smile adorning the cover of Teen Beat?

Now there’s some of the so called “draft experts” that think Gordon Hayward will not be drafted first overall if he decides to come out early. Ludicrous. They point to some guy named John Wall or this joke name Evan Turner. Umm…did these so called “superstar prospects” make the Final Four? Oh they’re not? Shocker. I mean come on, name one good player who didn’t make it to the Final Four. (Oh…Chris Paul? Yeah well I mean, he’s alright I guess. Wha…Kevin Durant? I guess he’s half-way decent if you like that kind of player.) I rest my case.

Final Verdict

Gordon Hayward is so legendary that he shouldn’t be drafted #1. He should be drafted #1 through #10 forcing a team to trade for all those picks in order to retain his services. At the very least the woeful Indiana Pacers have to draft Hayward. I mean look how good it worked out last time they drafted the local legend…Steve Alford in ’87. (Wait…you mean they passed on Alford for some punk from UCLA…yiesh…I’m sure that train wreck worked out.)

Do you feel that rumbling in the distance? That’s all the NBA superstars are already shaking in their shoes for when “The Hay-maker” lands in the league.

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APRIL FOOLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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The same things can be said about John Bryant

the barron
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that was pretty good

this was pretty funny. Imagine if Butler wins the championship, hayward's legend will only grow.

Forte IV
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"Gordon Hayward is bigger than Greg Oden. You know what I’m talking about. " lol

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I just love how you made Hayward a basketball Chuck Norris, hilarious.

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You must be a young un.

You must be a young un. Chuck facts came after Bill Brasky, Vin Diesel and Mr T....

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