Concession Scandal 2.0?
LeBron James created a scene for himself on December 13, 2009, when he charged himself into the stands after a foul on a made bucket, and stole a child’s French fries. Some people wrote this off as a funny gag with no victims, seeing as how the child played along and high-fived the second-leading scorer in the NBA. Others cried foul, claiming that it was LeBron’s ego that caused him to steal a fans fries in an opposing arena. However, attention died down quickly. LeBron would mask this in a bevy of other freakishly amazing highlight reel plays and the NBA would carry on without incident, that is, until now.
What some are calling an inevitable disaster, foretold to us in the Almanacs by Nostradamus, others claim is a backlash from the December 13 fry incident. On Wednesday, January 13, Eddy Curry ran into the Philadelphia 76ers crowd a stole a child’s hot dog.
The incident began around the 6 minute mark in the second quarter of the game, when teammate David Lee noticed Eddy Curry acting suspicious. “I thought his stomach was sick, so when his nose started twitching, I didn’t really think much of it.” Lee said in a post game interview. “But then I saw him get this huge, goofy smile on his face, and drool falling out of his mouth. I started to get a little scared. So I went over to him and asked if he was alright, but the only noise he made was like a half-grunt, half-gag type of thing, I mean, he didn’t even look at me. So I asked him again, but as soon as I touched his shoulder, he just belted into the crowd.”
Once Curry “belted” into the crowd, he headed in a straight line toward little Abigail Barr, an 11-year-old child who was given lower-bowl tickets through the make-a-wish foundation. Abigail is diagnosed with leukemia and is facing chemotherapy. She also is blind in one eye, an orphan and is highly epileptic. Abigail just wanted to see her late-father’s favorite player, Allen Iverson. “I was so excited!” Abigail said. “My daddy loved Allen Iverson. So I wanted to see him play! He even signed a shirt for me!” Of course Abigail is no NBA expert. She didn’t even know who Eddy Curry was. So when the make-a-wish foundation was willing to pay for anything she wanted, she bought a hot dog. Experts speculate Curry had smelled the hotdog, and that is what caused the rampage.
Once Curry had little Abigail’s hot dog in sight he grabbed it with his big, mushy hand, pushing over Abigail in the process. He turned for the exit to the lobby, tripping several times on his way up the stairs. Witnesses say he was panting and laughing at the same time. One spectator claimed, “I’ve never seen a grown man giggle like that.” Somehow before he got up the six steps he needed to climb, he had already devoured little Abigail’s hot dog amidst the laughing and panting. He fell into the lobby, stomach down. His giggle immediately went away and he got a dead-serious look on his face. Some witnesses claim he turned his head around 180 degrees like in "The Exorcist". There he saw the hot dog vendor.
The vendor took his stand and tried to run away. “I had no idea Curry could run like that.” The vendor explained. Curry caught up and ate everything in the stand. The vendor is currently in the hospital with two fingers bitten off. This is believed to have been an accident.
Curry was eventually talked down by assistant coach, Herb Williams, and brought to the visitor’s locker room to settle down. The aftermath of the incident was devastating though. Little Abigail Barr had three consecutive seizures, the hot dog vendor lost two fingers and all arenas are banned from selling concessions if Eddy Curry is inside the building.
So readers, I implore you. Ask yourselves, what is next? How long until John Bryant snaps? Is LeBron responsible? David Stern is considering suspending Eddy Curry, but will that really help anything? For the NBA's sake, I hope so.
Next Week: Dirk scores 20,000th career point, Hasselhoff still not impressed.
Real quality writing man, I definitely laughed while reading it.
My favorite though is probably the final sentence
"Next Week: Dirk scores 20,000th career point, Hasselhoff still not impressed."
LOL ! LOL!
lol as soon as i read the words hot dog i laughed hard
butidonthavemoney For President !
That had to be the GREATEST story ever. LOL. I was reading it like....did this really happen last night? I was watching that game and nothing like this came up from the announcers.
i just pead.
no wonder the knicks struggle, eddy curry is too busy eating little kid's hotdogs instead of playing D
I just randomly found this thread and i must say it is the shiznittlebam...if i do say so myself.