Totino's Pizza Rolls Story of the Day
This will be a thread where we all share a story -- whether funny, sad, weird, or one with criminal implications -- that happened to us on any given day. I'll go first.....................
Today, I had a job interview at Macy's at 3. I get there at 2:45, sign in and take a seat. There were 5 other people there, and all of them came before me, so I knew that it would take a while before I was called in.
"You know I've been here since 2:00?" the man sitting next to me says a few minutes after I sit.
"Damn, your breath smells horrible!" I thought to myself.
"That sucks," I replied as I turned my face away and pretended to text someone.
3:15 showed up, and, in the 30 minutes since I arrived, only one person was interviewed. "Alright," I said to myself. "No big deal. I'll get called in soon." 3:15 soon turned into 3:30. At about that time, another human resources person walked in. However, he didn't interview anyone; he just sat in his office, looking at his computer and drinking gourmet coffee. I decided to pass the time and calm my nerves by playing a bowling game on my Zune. After losing 3 games by a total of 4 pins to the computer, 4:00 had arrived, and I was still sitting there. They had interview 2 people in an hour, both of whom had interviews scheduled at 3:00.
Now it's 4:15, right? The lady giving the interviews comes out to call the next person in. "If she doesn't call my name," I said in my head, "I'm leaving."
"Gary?" she said in a monotonous tone. A middle-aged man in a gray suit stands up and walks over to her. After they went into her office, I stood up and walked out.
After wasting $5.00 at Sbarro's because I forgot to eat before I left home, I caught the bus. A couple of minutes after I took a seat on the bus, it started pouring. Not only that, but I knew that my dog would bother me once I got home because there was a lot of thunder, which scares him. All I could do was hope that it would let up a little bit before I reached my stop. Of course, it didn't let up -- it intensified. After getting off of the bus and walking the remaining 15 minutes to my house, I finally reach the front door. My clothes were so wet, I could have wrung them out and filled up a small bucket.
Even though I was absolutely drenched, I was relieved because I could now change out of my wet clothes and relax. I headed upstairs to my room, only to find that I left the door open -- a usual occurrence when I leave the house in a hurry. My dog was sleeping on my bed. On my floor, there were 5 fresh turds.
Totino's Pizza Rolls Story of the Day is brought to you by:
Totino's Pizza Rolls -- we get you hyped!
KFC -- try our new double-clogged-ar-- I mean, double-down chicken sandwich today!
Gatorade -- is it in you? Whoa, calm down, buddy. You just walked up 3 flights of stairs, and now you're gonna chug 20 oz. of blue Gatorade?
Toyota -- our brakes aren't faulty; you're just not pressing down hard enough.
Burger King -- have it your way. Just don't be dumb enough to piss us off while we're putting your food in the microwave, because we will spit in it. Then you'll have it our way.
Fiji Water -- if you're "extravagant" enough to pay this much for a bottle of water, then you deserve to get ripped off!
Payless -- if you're paying $8.00 for a pair of sneakers, don't come crying back to us when they start to smell like Doritos and fall apart 2 weeks later. You should have known better, you cheapskate.
All proceeds will go towards LeroyJenkins' MMA lessons.
+1 just to feed the children (Leroy)
That was a pretty good story.
But I found a better one.
Note to McDunkin Management: We are no longer accepting your "dinosaur fossils" as a form of payment. We still have the last 6 you gave us. You know why?
Because they're all fake....
Wow he just "Kayne Shrugged" OJJ
Best thread idea ever. First you come up with Cyclo'd and now this? I smell a MVP
It doesnt reach the level that OJJS did but....
Today my mom called me and asked if i had gotten subscriptions to any magazines under my dads name
I told her no i didnt unless it was SLAM, and she said well somebody has been ordering a magazine called Maxim
So...umm today i guess i found out my dad reads Maxim
I wonder what Leroy's gonna think once he comes on here. He'll probably just give me negatives.
That was a pretty good note to McDunkin Management, but I found a better one.
Note to McDunkin Management: Aran_Smith and NBADraft.net can no longer accept your "Back Massage Coupons" as bribes to keep your membership intact. We have tried to redeem them several times over the phone, but nobody has been answering and we keep hearing your annoying answering machine that is trying to socicit us into buying your mixtapes, which our private investigator has discovered was only you singing karaoke off-key. Please send us a real bribe of 25 cents a month in a black envolope, or else you will be banned for your countless cases of sexually harrassing our members through private e-mails.
And OJJ ill admit it this time McDunkin Management messed this one up.
But in all fairness you asked for the bones of these dinosaurs
and i cant even tell what kind most of those even are
And where was i supposed i find real Reptar bones?
Was it this song?
That's the song I heard when I called to try and return those fake dinosaur fossils.
That just shows how much we love 50 over here at the office
I heard this one.
That one was a mistake i told Pam to have it set to the Thong Song Remix
Sorry McDunkin I was playing that during my shift
As a matter of fact WizKid you earnerd yourself a raise. You are now the complaint department.
I've got a complaint!
These off-brand Cheetos I bought from your company made my teeth fall out! I want a full refund of 59 cents!
ill take care of this one WizKid. Butidonothavethefinances. What if we offered you your own cartoon to sweep this little problem under the rug?
The Butidonthavemoney Bears
Is Tebow still crying?
OrangeJuiceJones you are such a whore dude and so are the rest of you jerkbags
So is the offtopic alliance going to join our league?
Story #2 coming soon. I pwomise. It involves Stouffer's spaghetti, Kid Cuisines, a supermarket, a stereotypical African-American family, disappointment, laughter, and awkward silence. It is entitled:
"I Feel Like a Spaghetti Man Tonight"
It was a regular fall afternoon in New Jersey. I was a precocious nine-year-old with a passion for video games, coloring, and microwaved dinners. Leaves were beginning to cover the ground, kids were beginning to wear sweaters, and the ice cream man no longer frequented my street. I had just gotten home from school. After going through my regular routine of avoiding my homework and escaping to my room to color, I heard a light knock at my door. I opened it and saw my dad.
"You want anything from the store?" He asked me. "Can I come?" I replied. Before he could answer my question, I already had put on my shoes and sweater. "Yeah, sure," he answered.
As we were on our way to the supermarket, I looked through the circular to see if anything I liked was on sale. I could always get whatever I wanted from the supermarket, but, if it was on sale, I could get more quantities. I flipped to the middle of the circular, and my eyes lit up: My two favorite microwave dinners -- Stouffer's and Kid Cuisine -- were on sale. "Dad!" I yelled. "Look! They have Stouffer's AND Kid Cuisine on sale!" "That's good," he replied. "I know how much you like those."
Shortly after we entered the supermarket, I grabbed the shopping list from the child seat in the cart. "I'll go get the stuff I want," I told my dad, "and you get the other stuff, then we'll meet near the grapes." As I grabbed a basket and we went our separate ways, I headed straight to the juice aisle to get some grape Kool-Aid with the twist-off caps. "I'm gonna get the T.V dinners last," I thought to myself. "I'm gonna have enough for a month!" Only now do I realize how big of a mistake it was to wait.
After filling my basket with junk food -- being sure to leave just enough space for my T.V dinners -- I finally reached the frozen food aisle. However, I realized that I forgot my Cinnamon Toast Crunch, so I went back to get it. Big mistake. I turned to enter the frozen food aisle once again, and I saw them: An African-American family of three with the freezer door to the T.V dinners open. There was the mom, a woman who wore sandals and a t-shirt that proudly showed off her hammer toes and muffin top. The daughter, who appeared to be no older than 10, had on a white-and-green fleece jogging suit. I thought nothing of it at first, until I looked at their cart and saw stacks of Kid Cuisines. "Wow," I thought. "They're taking all the Kid Cuisines! At least I'll get some Stouffer's spaghetti with meat sauce." A few seconds subsequent to this thought, I saw the father -- a man who bore a striking resemblance to Eddie Murphy -- yell a sentence that still haunts me to this day:
"I feel like a spaghetti man tonight!"
He then reached in the Stouffer's section and pulled out 3 spaghetti with meat sauce dinners. Three, ladies and gentlemen. The worst part about it is that he wasn't done. He pulled out three more, then another three. With my mouth agape and my legs stuck to the floor, I nearly lost grip of my basket. As they left the aisle with smiles and a hibernation plan in full effect, I slowly walked over to the Kid Cuisines. There were no more chicken nugget with macaroni and cheese dinners left. The only ones left were corn dogs. The Stouffer's section was even worse: All of the spaghetti with meat sauce dinners were gone. Chicken alfredo: Gone. Macaroni and cheese: Gone. There was only one lasagna dinner left. "I don't even like lasagna!" I said to myself. After drawing a strange look from a man standing next to me, I left the aisle and found my dad on a register.
"You didn't get any T.V dinners?" my dad asked me as I put my things on the conveyor belt.. "They took 'em all!" I said with a lump in my throat and tears in the back of my eyes. "Who took them all?" he asked me. "Some... inconsiderate people!" I yelled. I was gonna say "some dumb people," but hearing my dad compliment me after I used a big word always cheered me up. "That's gonna happen from time to time," he said with a light chuckle. "You just have to move on. I'll get you some in a couple of days." I was livid, especially after I saw the family that took my precious T.V dinners on the next register. I didn't say a word during checkout or on the ride home.
I never saw Spaghetti Man or any members of his family again. I still have a lot of resentment towards him and people like him. If you ever read this, Spaghetti Man, the deal was 10 Stouffer's dinners for $10, not 40 for $10, you &$#%#&@!. I know you saw me standing there, waiting, hoping, praying that there would be a few T.V dinners left.
Wer True Religion Jeans kaufen möchte, muss sich deshalb gut auf dem Markt umsehen: Sollte man nicht gerade in einer Fashion-Metropole wohnen, so kann sich der Kauf unter Umständen sehr schwierig gestalten – es sei denn, man wählt den cleveren Weg und kauft seine Jeans einfach online. Hierfür spricht vor allem die Tatsache, dass Jeanskäufer somit auf eine breite Palette an Jeans sowie attraktive Preise blicken können.Wenn Sie nach Jeans suchen, die auffallend anders sind und ein gewisses Maß an Glamour mit sich bringen, so sind True Religion Jeans zweifelsfrei eine sehr gute Wahl.
This stuff is amazing!
Keep 'em coming.
what kind of sinner spams a LNC thread? Good story anyway OJJ
I never knew about this thread. I am coming back with a story.........
But a little teaser first...
Everyday when I come home from work, the old Polish man who lives in the basement is sitting outside on his plastic chair that hasn't been washed since the mid 80's. He looks as if he hasn't been washed since the mid 80's either, but that is neither here nor there. Anyways, every time I come home, I check the mail. He is always sitting with his back to the fence just staring at the building, who does that? Well this guy does, because he is admiring his 4'x4' plot of plants he grows every year. They are all perfectly aligned and he even has a little windmill that spins in the wind.
I imagine this 4'x4' plot of plants is his only reason to go on living anymore.
Back to the point of this story. Everyday, I mean every damn day when I walk up the stairs, he starts talking to me in Polish. I start talking back in English. This goes on for about 3 minutes. Neither of us knows what the [email protected] the other one is saying, just filled with a lot of head nodding and awkward laughs. "Super' is the only word he knows in English so he uses that alot.
This 3 minute conversation I have with some old dude that I don't even understand is better than most conversations I have with the general public on any given day.
OJJ and Dan, you are modern day bards. I do not know what a bard is, but I think it means you are really good at telling stories.