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Survivor: NBADraft.net (A Fictional Story)

ProudGrandpa
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Survivor: NBADraft.net (A Fictional Story)

A motorboat speeds across the Pacific towards a nameless tropical island. 20 men (I’m assuming) anxiously await the start of their quest for a million dollars and the distinguished title of NBADraft.net sole survivor. The contestants come from all different places, ranging from New York to Indianapolis to tli’s basement. Tension runs high as the contestants get their first impressions of each other.

Leroy Jenkins (Occupation: Middle School Student): “I don’t know about that man over there. (Camera pans to Rudeboy) He just rubs me the wrong way,”

yupyup (Occupation: Anime cartoonist): “That guy with the crazed look to him (Camera pans to DNYCE) gives me the heebie-jeebies.”

JoeWolf1 (Occupation: Bartender): “I think we’re all thinking the same thing about that Indian kid. (Camera pans to Aamir) How the **** is he old enough to be on this show?”

Adi Joseph parks the boat on the shore when they reach their destination. The contestants are greeted by a tall, red-haired man in a polo shirt. “I’m Aran Smith, you’re host.”

Aran points to a bucket of 20 black and white balls and explains that the contestants will draw balls to decide which tribe they will join. Adam Silver jumps out of the bushes and proceeds to give each contestant their ball.

The following players drew a white ball and are the John Bryant Tribe:

John Bryant Tribe

*ButIDon’tHaveTheMoney
*MikeyVTheDon
JoeWolf1
*IndianaBasketball
OrangeJuiceJones
Yupyup
*BothTeamsPlayedHard
DNYCE
*Aamir543
Based-Out-Like-23

The following players drew a black ball and make up the Lil B Tribe:

Lil B Tribe

*McBased
*J-Nixon-Iggy9
Rudeboy
*Wizkid
*Llperez
MagicKnick
LeroyJenkins
*Quincey
M-DYMES
I May Be Based

Aran tells the contestants that they will immediately begin a reward challenge to decide who gets the all-important Flynt. The two teams must simply run down the beach relay-style, untie the the puzzle pieces, bring them back to the beach, and have five players solve the puzzle, which is “Guess what this Kobyz list is referring to”.

The Challenge begins.

M-Dymes outruns Based-Out-Like-23 to the first puzzle piece, unties the knot, and brings it back first, giving the Lil B Tribe a slight advantage. Rudeboy enlarges the lead as he gets there and back quicker than OrangeJuiceJones. JoeWolf1’s strong performance compared to that of I May Be Based draws the two teams back even. Yupyup gives the John Bryant tribe the lead as Leroy Jenkins puffs up and down the beach. Then, with an incredible burst of speed, DNYCE gives the John Bryant Tribe a huge lead as MagicKnick brings back the last puzzle piece for the Lil B Tribe.

The John Bryant Tribe begins work on the puzzle.

Aamir543: “David Lee, Chuck Hayes, Jason Kidd, Dwight Howard, and Kevin Love. What could it mean?”
NoMoney: “You’re the Indian, Aamir. You should know. That’s why we picked you for the puzzle in the first place!”
IndianaBasketball: “These are all big men except for Jason Kidd. What does he do like a post player?”
MikeyV: “It’s Kobyz. This could mean anything!”

The Lil B Tribe deliberates.

Quincey: “Chuck Hayes?! I hate Chuck Hayes! His plus-minus was well into the negatives last year.”
Llperez: “Quincey, that’s irrelevant! Work on the puzzle!”
WizKid: “I know! They’re all white!”
Llperez: “Chuck Hayes is most definitely not white. And neither is Jason Kidd.”
McBased: “That reminds me of a GIF…”

John Bryant Tribe

IndianaBasketball: “I know! These guys are all rebounders! Maybe this is Kobyz’s list of the top 5 NBA rebounders.”
Aran Smith: “John Bryant Tribe wins!”

The tribes sit back down, the spitting images of the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat. “John Bryant Tribe, here’s your flint,” says Aran, as he tosses the flint to the tribe. Aamir eagerly jumps out and stone-hands the catch, then hurriedly picks up the flint and walks back to his tribe. “Lil B tribe, I’ve got nothing for you.” The tribes head to their respective camps.

Lil B Tribe

JNixon-Iggy rallies the tribe around him and gives a motivational speech, etc, etc. and the tribe begins work on their camp. Despite their lack of cohesiveness in the challenge, the tribe puts together a shelter in 2 hours, with few minor incidents. Leroy Jenkins “accidentally” trips Rudeboy very near to the fire M-DYMES made with the flint, but everyone slept safe and sound that night, aside from Quincey’s “sleep-spooning” of I May Be Based.

Meanwhile, at the camp of the John Bryant tribe, things were not going as smoothly following their early victory.

“You guys aren’t doing it right,” Based-Out-Like-23 was often heard complaining. Unfortunately, MikeyVTheDon and BothTeamsPlayedHard didn’t always agree, and so their long dissertations on assembly of lean-tos were heard long into the night. While trying to chop down a coconut tree with a machete, over-Hollywood-ized Aamir chopped over one support of the lean-to and it came crumbling down. Things were not going well.

But none of this compared to the antics of one John Bryant Tribe member…

“EDOMITE CLOWN!” DNYCE shouted at 5 different teammates over the course of the evening. His easily-offended nature was not something one wants when playing Survivor. But MikeyV had a theory.

MikeyVTheDon (Occupation: Professor of literature): “I think DNYCE is just putting up a façade, trying to make us think he is no threat to win the game so we don’t vote him out,” MikeyV hypothesized. Either way, DNYCE was already putting a target on his back as the team settled down into their finally-constructed shelter in the early morning…

THE NEXT MORNING: Lil B Camp

As jack-of-all-trades llperez cooked fish and rice omelets for all, McBased pulled aside Rudeboy, Wizkid, and I May Be Based and proposed an early game-changer: a 4-way alliance. The foursome agreed to the alliance (and proceeded to call themselves “The Revengers) just as Leroy Jenkins walked up. “Do you jerks want pepper on yo omelets?”

McDunkin (Occupation: Clerk at Bert’s Adult Videos): “I feel really good about my place in this game. I feel like The Revengers can go all the way, baby. We’re like the Heat. I’m Lebron, WizKid is Bosh, Rudeboy is Wade, and I May Be Based can be, uh, Juwan Howard!”
John Bryant Camp

It was yupyup who made breakfast at this camp, and, thanks to the dead pig that Aamir inexplicably walked out of the woods with that morning, holding a crude spear in his other hand, everyone got a sumptuous breakfast. On to the immunity challenge

Immunity Challenge

Aran Smith explained that, in today’s challenge, 4 contestants from each tribe would be strapped to a giant wooden wheel (a converted sex device borrowed from Cyclo) and, as the bottom of the wheel spun through the water, the contestants would take in a mouthful of water and spit it into the bucket at the top. The other 6 tribe members would spin the wheel. The first tribe to fill their bucket would win immunity.

The JB Tribe strapped OJJ, yupyup, NoMoney, and an eager Aamir to the wheel. The Lil B Tribe put Leroy Jenkins, M-Dymes, Wizkid, and jNixon-Iggy on their wheel. The competition was fierce. At one point, The JB Tribe stopped spinning their wheel so the spinners could rest, but they didn’t realize that Aamir was underwater and he nearly drowned. Fortunately, Cameraman Marcusfizer21 pointed out this fact, and a soiled-pants Aamir was rescued. Both buckets inched near the full line until finally-

“Lil B tribe wins immunity! John Bryant tribe will head to tribal council tonight.”

NoMoney (Occupation: Stay-at-home Dad): “Based-Out-Like-23 was not pulling his way today. He could be goin home.”

Back at the JB Camp

NoMoney assembles IndianaBasketball and MikeyVtheDon. “Hey, you guys, based off the first two challenges and what I’ve seen around camp, I think that the three of us are the strongest players on this tribe. How bout we form our own alliance and we can run this game?” Just before the other two can answer, however, Aamir walks up, much to the other three’s chagrin. “Hey, guys! What’s the plan?” So NoMoney is forced to include Aamir in the alliance. The four decide that, despite DNYCE’s overall offensiveness, they must vote off Based-Out-Like-23 to keep the tribe strong. Now they just need two more votes. They try to talk to DNYCE, but he refuses to believe he is on the chopping block and says he will write down whomever’s name he wants. Next, they target OJJ and JoeWolf1, but the whole rest of the tribe seems fairly set on voting out DNYCE. It looks like either DNYCE or Based-Out-Like-23 is going home first. Meanwhile, ButIDon’tHaveTheMoney sneaks around from tree to tree, unbeknownst to his tribemates, as if he is looking for something…

Tribal Council

After Aran’s second question of tribal council, DNYCE goes on a rant, despite having not been even acknowledged the entire council. MikeyV accuses BTPH of speaking too much. BTPH gives a long speech about how Mikeyv speaks more than him. NoMoney says something funny for the fans at home. Multiple people get mad at Based-Out. Aran Smith comments that this is a highly disorganized tribe. The voting begins.

As is Survivor tradition, a couple of the more obvious votes are shown:

Based-Out-Like-23 (Votes for DNYCE): You are obnoxious and I hope I never see you again

NoMoney (Votes for Based-Out): You’re a nice enough kid, but the tribe is stronger without you.

Aran Smith goes and gets the votes. “If anyone has a hidden immunity idol, play it now.” Aamir sneezes. Yupyup daydreams about Bismack Biyombo. And BTPH sits off to the side with a gleam in his eye. Aran begins reading the votes…

“DNYCE. One vote DNYCE.”

“jjeff6. Uh, I won’t count that

“DNYCE. Two votes DNYCE.”

“DNYCE. Three votes DNYCE.”

“DNYCE. Four votes DNYCE.”

“Based-Out-Like-23. Four votes DNYCE, one vote Based-Out-Like-23.”

The smile is wiped off of Based-Out’s face.

“Based-Out-Like-23. Four votes DNYCE, two votes Based-Out-Like-23.”

“Based-Out-Like-23. Four votes DNYCE, two votes Based-Out-Like-23.”

“Based-Out-Like-23. Four votes DNYCE, three votes Based-Out-Like-23.”

“Based-Out-Like-23. Four votes DNYCE, four votes Based-Out-Like-23.”

“First person voted off of Survivor: NBADraft.net: Based-Out-Like-23.”

Based-Out looks stunned. DNYCE looks like he does not know what is going on, looking off into space with a scowl. Based-Out-Like-23 walks off the set as NoMoney looks around at his mates in triumph.

Credits roll as the votes are shown:

Based-Out-Like-23: NoMoney, IndianaBasketball, MikeyVTheDon, Aamir543, OJJ

DNYCE: Based-Out-Like-23, yupyup, JoeWolf1, BothTeamsPlayedhard

Jjeff6: DNYCE

Tune in next week.


butidonthavemoney
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Yes

Pretty clever. Will be sure to watch next week as well.

I'm actually a vegetarian though, so next week I'd prefer something less pig-like. kthxbye

ProudGrandpa
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Thanks sir

The hard part is thinking of challenges. And of course, telling tli and Cyclo that they cant be included full-time.

ProudGrandpa
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You'd better rally the troops, Nomoney

You're they're leader. But you might also ant to watch out for BTPH...

But I think the John Bryant tribe is far superior. And about half made up of Jazz fans

Scottoant93
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I have to admit i said you

I have to admit i said you lack originality in the parody thread, but i may have to take that back on this one. This one is actually interesting

ProudGrandpa
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Thank you sir

And you were one of the final cuts I had to make to get the cast down to 20

raybeas
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Survivor!

Best game show on TV.

Survivor is more about alliances than who is really good at something. It'll be interesting to see who alligns with whom. Redemption? Hidden Immunity?

How do you type it all out without losing it to a refresh?

I May Be Krypt
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not bad Gramps


Although, some of my actions portrayed in the story are not my life tendencies lol. But I give you props, this was very clever. I'll admit, the ending was a shocked

M-DYMES
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Sick post. Interesting,

Sick post. Interesting, placed in the correct forum, original, clever...props to PG for this one. Well done.

ProudGrandpa
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@raybeas: I use this gizmo I found called Microsoft Word

Watch out for Both teams Played Hard.

All Imma say...

Hale
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How did you know I was an

How did you know I was an anime cartoonist?

ProudGrandpa
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simple

All that wierd Dragonball Z stuff

mikeyvthedon
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Best thing you have ever done

By far. If you could only work on this, and keep it on the Off-Topic forum, than I might actually start to value you as a poster. Have to say, I would not have voted for BOL23 first. More likely to be Quincey or DNYCE. The odds of me standing those people in person if they are anything like they are on the internet seems incredibly slim.

Tongue-Out-Like-23
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One, if not, your best post

One, if not, your best post on this site. This has potential.

By the way... why am I separated from my Based brothers?!!!

Tongue-Out-Like-23
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"very near to the fire

"very near to the fire M-DYMES made with the flint"

I thought the John Bryant team had the flint! You lie!!!

Tongue-Out-Like-23
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Aamir nearly drowned

Aamir nearly drowned hahahaha! I actually laughed out loud!

Just got done reading it and I've got to say, I'm certainly tuning in next week... even though I was the first voted off!

This has potential to be a legendary thread.

aamir543
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First of all, I can swim.

First of all, I can swim. Second, I am a 6'1 fifteen year old with a beard and sideburns. People think I'm 20, so I don't know where you got that from. And third, I have suction cups as hands, I don't drop nothing.

And I knew that that was Kobyz top 5 rebounding list.

But I do have a case of alergies, and sneeze often, so good call there, great thread though.

Tongue-Out-Like-23
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Aamir, take it easy I don't

Aamir, take it easy

I don't think he was trying to offend anyone.. I mean, it's obvious he feels strongly about you though lol...

But it's all in good fun

ProudGrandpa
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Good point, Based-Out

I got confused

As for Aamir,

You are strapped to the wheel as such:

It doesnt matter if you can swim or not.

Hale
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I was joking but after your

I was joking but after your response I don't really know what to say.

ProudGrandpa
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What?

Was it something I said?

ProudGrandpa
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BTW

Ignore the asterisks. Those were to help me figure out who was doing what in the first challenge (*=working on the puzzle)

JSakes22
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Gramps

I would just like to point out the PROFOUND comeback you've made. I think like two months ago you were -800 and slowly, but surely over time you have inched closer and closer to positives. Simply remarkable.

ProudGrandpa
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-300

But thanks for pointing that out. Not sure how it happened, because the majority seems to hate me as much as ever, but I promise, Im not thumbing up my own posts.

Scottoant93
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haha i can vouch for some of

haha i can vouch for some of the points, i gave you points for most of the latest post even the ones insulting me, btw i don't hate you but you said we were rivals so...

ProudGrandpa
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AwwWWWWwwwWWwwWwWWwww

I don't hate you either, bro.

JSakes22
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And who says the point system

And who says the point system can't be a beautiful thing.

aamir543
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I am not offended, in fact

I am not offended, in fact I'm honored that I was mentioned so many times, and it was a great read, and I know it was all in good fun. I was just trying to help gramps be a little more accurate at assesing my real life attributes and tendencies.

aamir543
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Oh yeah, and can I get Halal

Oh yeah, and can I get Halal meat. It is meat that is slottered the Islamic way. And no pork either.

aamir543
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It's that time of week

It's that time of week again.................

ProudGrandpa
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What do you mean?

Do you think I just pull this stuff out of my rectum? Chill your grits, broseth.

aamir543
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Whoa there bro......

Whoa there bro......

ProudGrandpa
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Oh gosh...

I'm sorry David Stern, I didn't mean nothin by it! Shalom! Happy Yom Kippur!

(I hop Kavak13 doesn't come after me for this)

ProudGrandpa
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Git cho popcorn ready

That's all I'm gonna say...

aamir543
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So you refuse write up the

So you refuse write up the next one in the middle of November on a long weekend, yet you're gonna spend the time to do this in the middle of Finals week?

I May Be Krypt
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^^ He hasn't taken a final

^^ He hasn't taken a final since 1943. He has all the time in the world

I May Be Krypt
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....until we pull the plug on

....until we pull the plug on him at least

Hale
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I May Be Wrong is quickly

I May Be Wrong is quickly catching the not-really-returned DaneBoy as my favorite poster here.

I May Be Krypt
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Another fan?!

Thanks yupyup!

That 22 week course at the McDunkin Management Agency really contributes to my recent success on here. While you are here yupyup (and since you're one of the wrestling fans on here) tell me how sick these flying moves are! I never seen anything like that

and

The Asians have taken our wrestling too!

Hale
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I've never seen anything like

I've never seen anything like that before either. Wow. That first one is just unbelievable, I'd love to see someone try that in WWE. I love me some good high flying moves, sick submissions and an RKO out of nowhere.

iguapops420
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Are we going to get more or

Are we going to get more or what? Great read Grandpa, good to see you making a positive out of your time here on the site instead of being one of the site villains. Keep the Survivor coming.

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....until we pull the plug on

....until we pull the plug on him at least

McDunkin
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so Based-Out is eliminated

so Based-Out is eliminated and although he is still a valued friend IMBW isnt BASED gang affiliated anymore.SMH

I May Be Krypt
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Should I go back? My points

Should I go back? My points just haven't had meaning since going back to being 'wrong'...BASED points are like a natural high you get when you first eat at Cracker Barrel

Tongue-Out-Like-23
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I'm going to appeal.

I'm going to appeal.

ProudGrandpa
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I promise, Week 2 is coming

I've written it all out, I just need to type it all.

Aamir is right, finals week is cramping my style. (By the way, Aamir, the whole "Gandhi" thing is way overdone. And you've made several references to being both Muslim and the descendant of Gandhi. PICK ONE OR THE OTHER! Oh, and if you're gonaa criticize McDunkin, could you at least find something other than his lack of Derrick Favors jokes to rib him about? Thanks.)

ProudGrandpa
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I promise, Week 2 is coming

I've written it all out, I just need to type it all.

Aamir is right, finals week is cramping my style. (By the way, Aamir, the whole "Gandhi" thing is way overdone. And you've made several references to being both Muslim and the descendant of Gandhi. PICK ONE OR THE OTHER! Oh, and if you're gonaa criticize McDunkin, could you at least find something other than his lack of Derrick Favors jokes to rib him about? Thanks.)

aamir543
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And you've made several

"And you've made several references to being both Muslim and the descendant of Gandhi. PICK ONE OR THE OTHER!"

What do you mean "pick one or the other". Why can't I choose to be protrayed as an Indian Muslim? And your telling me the Whole Gandhi thing is over done, what about the whole Tebwo thing? Did Tebow free your people and have a big hand in the reason you are where you are? I didn't think so.

Tongue-Out-Like-23
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Nobody is even talking about

Nobody is even talking about Tebow...

And nobody has Tebow as their display pic either.

Scottoant93
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It is Tim tebow but when you

It is Tim tebow but when you first change your pic it flip flops between the old and new so bol23 might see the old dude while you see the Tim tebow one happened to me when I changed my pic last time

aamir543
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Um Tol-23, you might want to

Um Tol-23, you might want to get your vision checked out, cause that guy kneeling down in Gramp's picture is Tim Tebow

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