NBADraft.net Survivor: Week 2
You guys doubted me, but here it is.
Here is the first week's link:
lSurvivor: NBADraft.net-Week 2
John Bryant Tribe
Lil B Tribe
I May Be Based
John Bryant Camp-After Tribal Council
“Gee Willighers, guys! That was totes intense!” said Aamir, as the tribe arrived back at camp.
“How could you guys not vote him out?!” exclaimed yupyup, as he gestured at DNYCE, who didn’t seem to notice, as he had his head down, muttering and scowling.
“Hey you guys, these tribal councils are gonna be tough. Let’s just move on and not let them split us apart. We gotta maintain a strong tribal unity and win the next challenge,” said NoMoney.
Interview: NoMoney (Occupation: Stay-at-home Dad): “I know DNYCE is annoying, but he showed a lot more in challenges than Based-Out-Like-23, who was annoying in his own little way. It’s too bad we couldn’t all agree this early in the game, but I think the right decision for the tribe was made.”
The Next Morning-John Bryant Camp
NoMoney, OrangeJuiceJones, and JoeWolf are sitting around the fire eating a small breakfast.
“So where are you guys from?” asked OJJ.
“Minneapolis,” said JoeWolf
“Hey, is it just me, or do you guys think that David Kahn is a total id-“ NoMoney began to say, but OJJ and JoeWolf cut him off with a resounding, “YES!”.
“Well, that’s good to know,” said NoMoney. “I’m actually from Salt Lake City.”
“Wait, are you a Utah Jazz fan?” asked OJJ.
“Yup,” said NoMoney. “AK-47, baby.”
“Hey, me too!” said OJJ.
“Well, same here, bros,” said JoeWolf. “I used to be a Wolves fan, but they weren’t doing themselves any Favors.”
Things were going swimmingly. NoMoney was beginning to rethink his hasty alliance with Mikeyv, IndianaBasketball, and that little twerp, Aamir…
Lil B Camp
Meanwhile, Rudeboy was having a rough morning.
LeroyJenkins: “Hey, Rudeboy!”
Rudeboy: “What?” (Rudeboy has his head in his hands, exasperated by Leroy’s antics.)
LeroyJenkins: “Yo momma is so fat, she has to put an ‘Oversize Load’ sign on her bike when she rides it.”
Rudeboy: *sigh* “My mom doesn’t ride a-“
LeroyJenkins: “Hey Rudeboy!”
LeroyJenkins: “Yo momma’s so stupid she had you!”
LeroyJenkins: “Hey Rudeboy!”
leroyJenkins: “Hey Rudeboy!”
Leroy Jenkins: “Hey Rudeboy!”
Rudeboy: “What, Pizza Rolls?!”
LeroyJenkins: “Hey, you shut your face. Anyways, what did Rudeboy’s Mom’s right leg say to Rudeboy’s Mom’s left leg?”
Their conversation is interrupted by Quincey, who, in his sleep, sat up and shouted, “All potential! I need to see him perform at this level! Not ready…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.”
LeroyJenkins: “Hey, you shut your face, too, jerk! Anyways, what did Rudeboy’s mom’s-“
Rudeboy: “You already said the joke.”
LeroyJenkins: “Shut up. Her right leg didn’t say anything, because they’ve never met!”
But Rudeboy’s friends McDunkin, Wizkid, and I May Be Based were cracking up at that last joke. It was not a good day for Rudeboy at all.
Suddenly, M-DYMES came running into camp.
“Tree mail!” he shouted.
All of the other nine tribe members, except for Quincey, crowded around M-DYMES as he unrolled the parchment.
“Hey, Quincey, wake up!” llperez shouted. “There’s tree mail.”
I May Be Based threw a well-aimed coconut that nailed Quincey in the throat.
“BJ Mullens sucks!” Quincey shouted as he abruptly sat up, awakened.
M-DYMES began to read:
“Your next challenge shall be a test of strength.
Forget about verticals, 40 times, and length.
Rank your tribe from strongest to most slight.
And be prepared to test your might.”
Quincey: “What?! That doesn’t even mention skill or basketball IQ!”
Everyone tells Quincey to shut up.
JNixon-Iggy: Aside from that amateurish AABB rhyme scheme and lack of meter, this clue is worthless. It doesn’t tell us anything about the challenge!”
McBased: “Well, it tells us enough. We need to rank ourselves from strongest to weakest. We probably get matched up with the person of like rank from the other tribe and fight or something. But how do we decide our ranking?”
John Bryant Camp
After NoMoney finished reading, the John Bryant Tribe tried to decide the order of strength through friendly discussion. But MikeyV and BothTeamsPlayedHard went on and on and the discussion disintegrated into chaos.
Aamir: “I’ll arm-wrestle you all! Bring it!”
OJJ: “Let’s have an Aamir-tossing contest.”
DNYCE: “You pawns don’t even know what strength is. Edomite clowns…”
Pandemonium ensued until-
-MikeyV did that fingers-in-your-mouth whistle thing and the tribe went silent, except for DNYCE’s sullen muttering.
“Listen up, guys,” MikeyV said. “I’ve got an idea. Here’s how we can decide who is the strongest…”
After listening to MikeyV’s long and detailed explanation, the other tribe members, whose eyes were now glazed over and unfocused, all agreed to MikeyV’s plan.
Five hours, three goat carcasses, two fig-leaf-thongs, and one Jimmy Buffett CD later, the John Bryant Tribe had decided their order:
1. Joe Wolf
9. No “Hot Yoga Hero”” Money
Interview: NoMoney (Occupation: Stay-at-home Dad): “Man, I don’t know how I got ranked last. I even got beat out by Aamir. Not that I disagreed with MikeyV’s system or anything. I don’t remember what he said, but he just explained it so well… Oh well, I guess this means I get to beat up on Leroy or someone weak in the challenge.”
Lil B Tribe
After employing a slightly simpler ranking system, a round-robin MMA tournament, the Lil B tribe decided its order:
8. I May Be Based
Sitting Out: MagicKnick
Interview: LeroyJenkins (Occupation: Getting through the sixth grade without getting his a** kicked by too many girls): “Suck my weenis, Rudeboy! I went super saiyan on these clowns in my tribe. Lil’ Leroy Legend would’ve gone un-de-feated, but I ran out of those pizza rolls I snuck in my Rescue Heroes lunchbox when my mom wasn’t looking. Pizza Rolls get me all hype.”
Interview: McBased (Occupation: Clerk at Bert’s Adult Videos): “Man, I almost didn’t even get to compete in the challenge. MMA is not my thing. Hopefully, I get to beat up on some shrimp like Aamir, since I’m in the #9 spot. But MagicKnick, man, he’s just Steve Urkel out there. No challenge value whatsoever. We may want to consider cutting the dead weight next time we go to Tribal.”
Aran: “Come on in, guys! Welcome to the second immunity challenge. You’ve ranked yourselves based on strength, without knowing the purpose, but now all will be revealed. These rankings determine who will face who in the challenge. The #1’s face each other, the #2’s face each other, and so on. Here are your instructions:
Each contestant will get this heavy, rubber thing with handles on the back. The contestants will step into the ring and, when I say, “Go!”, will attempt to use the rubber thing to knock the other player out of the ring. You may not use any other part of your body to fight. We will start with the 1’s and play until one team wins 5. JoeWolf, for the John Bryant Tribe, and llperez, for the Lil B Tribe, you’re up.”
A minute later-“Survivors ready. Go!”
Match 1: llperez used all that time spent watching MMA to take out JoeWolf in an epic contest. Lil B goes up 1-0.
Match 2: DNYCE vs. LeroyJenkins
Crippled by a lack of pizza rolls, Leroy was defeated even worse than expected by a crazed DNYCE, who was a flurry of pent-up aggression. After DNYCE’s 2second victory, he shouted, “Stay down Edomite!” at a dazed Leroy. The game was tied.
Interview: LeroyJenkins (Occupation: Middle School(?) Student): “I think a got a booboo on my weenis. That mothertrucker is gonna pay!”
Match 3: BothTeamsPlayedHard vs. M-DYMES
BothTeamsPlayedHard fought hard, and, after a long, sweaty contest, M-DYMES was defeated. The John Bryant Tribe takes the 2-1 lead.
Match 4: yupyup vs. Rudeboy
The pride of the #Based crew was no match for yupyup, who won a decisive victory. The John Bryant Tribe had run off 3 in a row and now had a strong 3-1 lead.
Match 5: MikeyV vs. JNixon-Iggy
But who better to turn the tide than the ever-reliable JNixon-Iggy? MikeyV apparently learned nothing from LeGarrette Blount and got shredded luck a Duck by a Tiger. John Bryant has a 3-2 lead.
Match 6: IndianaBasketball vs. Quincey Hodges
This one turned out to be one of the most exciting matchups of the challenge. IndianaBasketball was steadily (how else with this guy?) beating Quincey back. But, suddenly, Quincey pointed behind Aran. “Hey, look! Someone posting from Draft Express!” Aran whipped around and Quincey used the momentary distraction to knee IndianaBasketball in his sizable (I’m just guessing) testes and chuck him out of the ring. Despite the protests of the John Bryant Tribe, Aran gave the Lil B tribe the point. The game was tied at 3.
Interview: IndianaBasketball (Occupation: Small-Business Owner): “I’m normally a pretty relaxed guy, but that Quincey really grinds my gears. What a cheap shot. And how can we be sure he really is who he says he is? At various times, he’s been known as Josh Huestis, KurtisRice, The Lake Show, Howard Stern, Hermione Granger, Raiachu, and QuinceyHodges I, II, and III. Suspicious?”
Match 7: OrangeJuiceJones vs. wizkid
This match was crucial. Whoever won would put their tribe one win away from victory. But this matchup paired two slender young men who appeared more suited to, say, roaming the internet than actually competing in a feat of strength. The diminutive Asian, OJJ, versus the kid who looks like Mr. Game and Watch, Wizkid. With both teams cheering their respective members on, this heated contest was little more than a catfight for 40 long minutes. But, finally, out of the cloud of dust stumbled Wizkid. Which means he lost. OJJ was the one left standing in the circle as the dust settled. The John Bryant Tribe was up 4-3, one point away from avenging their first-round loss.
Match 8: Aamir vs. I May Be Wrong
But victory was far from certain for the John Bryant Tribe. If Aamir could not beat I May Be Wrong here (and no one really thought he could) then the match would once again be tied.
And, lo and behold, Aamir lost. It wasn’t even close, as I May Be Based chucked Aamir into the first row, right into a startled LeroyJenkins, who had been busy giving Rudeboy a Wet Willy. The game was tied at 4.
Interview: Leroy Jenkins (Occupation: Middle School Student?): “I’m telling you, man, that Aamir wants me. You saw how he was all over my junk at the challenge today!”
Match 9: NoMoney vs. Mcbased
It all came down to this. These two had already begun to establish themselves as leaders in their respective tribes. But their apparent shared lack of physical strength pitted them against each other in the 9-spot. Sweat lined their brows as they pushed and shoved. They began to attempt to weaken each other by inducing laughter with their unique senses of humor. But, in the end, the wittier head prevailed. Mcbased cackled at a particularly juicy morsel about Steven A. Smith and was sent flying arse-over-ankles out of the circle.
“John Bryant Tribe wins!” Aran exclaimed. “Lil B Tribe, I will see you tonight at Tribal Council.”
Lil B Camp
The agonizing silence was broken up by LeroyJenkins.
“Well, I think it’s clear whose fault this is…”
“Leroy, shut the H*** up!” snapped llperez.
The tribe went back to silence.
The Revengers (McBased, Rudeboy, Wizkid, and I May Be Wrong) and llperez, JNixon-Iggy, and M-DYMES were chillin’ in the tropical waters. “So, what’s the plan, gentlemen?” I May Be Wrong asked of the group.
“Well, I think it’s clear that that pain-in-the-a$$ Quincey Hodges has to go. He is nothing but a detriment to the tribe,” said M-DYMES.
A common murmur of assent went around the group. But McBased had been turning over an idea in his head all afternoon. He decided to voice his opinion.
“What about MagicKnick? In these first few days, we want to keep our tribe strong so we can win the challenges and gain numbers heading into the merge. I know Quincey is as annoying as Skip Bayless at a school board meeting, but he is a mediocre player. MagicKnick is just awful. I think we-“
Suddenly, MagicKnick walks up to the group.
“What’s up guys, we goin’ Quincey?”
Yes, the group nodded.
But later that evening, the Revengers sat around the campfire, conferring.
“We think you’re right about voting MagicKnick,” said Rudeboy. “You have our votes.”
“Sweet,” said McBased. “Quincey should be with us, but we might have to make him think it was his idea. And that means we need one more vote.”
The group agrees to try and add M-DYMES to their alliance. He seemed malleable enough to swing, as opposed to JNixon or llperez. And Leroy, of course, was just too unpredictable, not to mention he hated Rudeboy.”
A while later, llperez walked up to the four.
“It’s Quincey, right? No surprises?”
“Yeah,” McBased replied.
McBased talks to M-DYMES about voting for MagicKnick, and, ultimately, joining the Revengers.
“I don’t know. I know the numbers make OK sense, and I guess I can tolerate Quincey til our next tribal council in order to strengthen the tribe. But I just don’t like the idea of a split vote in our very first council. We should be unified against the other tribe.,” explained M-DYMES. “Let me have a couple of my, er, Special Brownies I brought, and I’ll get back to you.”
Interview: M-DYMES (Occupation: Disc Jockey): So McBased came to me and asked me to join the Revengers and vote for MagicKnick. I don’t know, I definitely have some mixed feelings about this vote.”
Aran: “Lil B Tribe, welcome to you first Tribal Council. Tough loss today. So my first question for you is, ‘Who is the leader on this tribe? Is a hierarchy sort of starting to develop? Wizkid, what do you think?”
Wizkid: “Well, I guess McBased is sort of becoming our leader. He really POINTS us in the right direction.”
Aran: “Quincey, I see you shaking your head. You disagree?”
Quincey: “McBased? Our leader? If anyone is the leader, it’s me. (At this, the other tribe members all chuckle a bit) But McBased? He hasn’t shown me ANYTHING. Where was his leadership when we fell behind in the challenge? Where was he in the final match, when the game was on the line? I rest my case.” (At this, however, a haze of awkwardness fell on the group as they realize that this is one of those rare moments when Quincey is sort of right)
Aran: “OK, I can see Mcbased is not the unanimous leader of the Lil B Tribe. OK, lemme take a little poll: Who thinks that McBased is the leader?”
Wizkid, Rudeboy, I May Be Based, M-DYMES, MagicKnick, and Leroy all raise their hands. Leroy looks over at Rudeboy and quickly pulls his hand down.
Aran: “Interesting. JNixon-Iggy, you disagree?”
JNixon-Iggy: “Well, Aran, I don’t believe a clear leader has really emerged at this point, but if there is one, I would say it is llperez. He is a sensible guy, good at challenges, and he really does a lot around camp.”
Aran: “So no my question is, is there anyone on the tribe at the bottom of the totem pole? I’ll ask the man of the hour. What do you think, McBased?”
McBased: “Nice try, Aran. I’m not telling you my vote. Well, MagicKnick was held out of today’s challenge, but that was just based on pure physical strength.”
Aran: “OK, anyone want to add to that?”
Leroy: “Rudeboy, fo-shizzles.”
Llperez: “I’m just gonna say what we’re all thinking: Quincey is annoying. He always thinks he’s right. He’s lazy. He plays the racecard like the Mavs play Ian Mahinmi: Much too often, and with horrible results.”
Aran: “Well, Quincey, sounds like you could be on the chopping block. What do you have to say?”
Quincey: “Well, guys, maybe you’re intimidated by my knowledge and reasoning skills, and I can totally understand that. But I gotta say, I pull my weight in challenges way more than some of you guys do. All I’m gonna say.”
Aran: “Well, let’s get to the voting.”
[Shows MagicKnick’s vote: “Quincey”] “Dude, I hope this is just an act, or else your life must suck.”
[Shows McBased’s vote: “MagicKnick”] “Sorry, man. You seem like a nice enough guy, but we have to keep the tribe strong and you are just horrible.”
[Aran gets votes]
“If anyone has the Hidden Immunity Idol, and wishes to play it, now would be the time to do so.”
No one does.
First Vote: Quincey
Second Vote: Quincey
Third Vote: MagicKnick
Fourth Vote: MagicKnick
Fifth Vote: MagicKnick
Sixth Vote: MagicKnick
Seventh Vote: Quincey
Eight Vote: Quincey (Some of the blood returns to MagicKnick’s face)
Ninth Vote: MagicKnick
Aran: Second person voted off (MagicKnick bows his head) of Survivor:NBADraft.net: MagicKnick.
A gracious MagicKnick walks off the stage
Aran: Well, this tribe seems to have some divisions. Better straighten things out if you don’t want to return.
Another great read, hillarious.
Oh well, If I had to lose to anybody, at least it was a fellow indian, lol.
It would be interesting if you added basketball related challenges next week, my jumpshot is on fire right now, make that thread before it goes cold!
i actually read through this. Funny stuff. Hope i dont get stabbed in the back by lil b tribe members.
THIS is better than any Harry Potter book I've read.... Awesome stuff gramps!
Haha great job! Very good timing that exactly when I get into MMA I get thrown into an MMA type challenge...
Was the positive response worth the 7 hours that it took to write (not mad)?
lol nice job look foward for the next one....This is getting good
Dream come true, I get to be a DJ.
So many problems with this.
1. Why am I the weakest?
2.Why did I already know that I would lose?
3.How is Leroy the 2nd strongest on anyones team?
Pretty funny anyway though
I WISH I COULD GIVE you -100 Negatives for putting me Anywhere near Leroy...Nobody can stand being around that CLOWN,Becuz he has a BAD ODOR,, After the Juice in his Jheri-Curl dries up,he puts water or cans of Colt-45 on his hair to get the SHINE BACK....
1. I kinda just wanted you and No "Hot Yoga" Money going at it for the win
2. You read ahead?
3. He's like Popeye cept with Pizza Rolls
Well is it going to take you until 2013 for part 3?
Hilarious, I loved the Draftexpress distraction used on Aran
lol nice job look foward for the next one...