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My Mother of All Big Boards 3.0

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My Mother of All Big Boards 3.0

I posted this under the ALT GRIND handle over at the Memphis Grizzlies message board.

THEY hate it. OH WELL.

I have done my homework.

Enjoy!

Hope you guys like it!

Mother of all Big Boards 3.0

1. DANGER MITCH ROBINSON! or The Free Throw Line Dunk Artist Formerly Known As A Snappy Simon & Garfunkel Tune

2. Kostas Freaktempo

3. Donte "The Air Show" Inferno aka Logo 2.0

4. Collin Sexton aka Zeke 2.0

5. Mikal Bridges aka 3 And D Ron Harper Meets Shades of Pippen/Kawhi

6. Marvelous Mo "Mister Marvelous" Bamba aka The Fake Sports Fake News Living Legend.

7. Kevin Huerter aka Luka Doncic is too pretty to be the next Larry Bird

8. Lucky Luka "I Can't Believe I 8 The Whole Thing!" Doncic aka The Big White Milkshake.

9. Wendell Carter, Jr. You hope he is somewhere between Rick Mahorn (comp I saw today and one I thought of last night) and Moses Malone.

10. Dr. No DeAndre A-10.

11. Ray "Spider" Spalding: Nice highlights. Hints of John Salley. Salley was picked at this spot back in the day. I think he is the guy we think JJJ is -- I think.

12. "Death Row" Robert Williams III. Some say he can switch on defense. Some say if he flips the switch he will be ELECTRIC. Or, with RWIII you just turn out the lights and see what happens. Either way, if Mr. Electric Death Row Rob ever flips the switch -- somebody's gonna die!

13. LIL' KOBE HAMIDOUMAMBA Diallo

14. Malik"HELLO!" Newman

15. Marvin Bagley III aka LaRue Martin 3.0. Bags even has LaRue's height, build, and jump shot. It's true! Side note: I was going through different NBA players that I have heard of, trying to find fits for this draft, and I came across a pic of former Laker Corky Calhoun. In at least this one pic, uhh, looks like we found Kobe's REAL FATHER!

16. Kevin Knox aka Special K

17. Moritz The Blitz Wagner

18. Michael Porter, Jr. JR Smith was picked at this spot years ago. Just sayin'.

19. Trae Young. I think Dana Barros was picked at this spot years ago. Just sayin'.

20. De'Anthony Melton. De'Anthony "Iggytential Melton is my pick here at 20.

21. Omari Spellman. Looks like a cross between Charles Barkley and "Big Smooth" Sam Perkins. SIR SMOOTH?

22. Rob Gray: all he does is shoot and score.

23. Jalen Brunson

24. Jevon Carter: Loses the Brunson/Carter point guard coin toss.

25. Lonnie Walker -- don't know what this guy does, but his Stylist is pretty cool.

26. Jerome Robinson -- his agent is FAN-TASTIC!

27. Josh Okogie -- the only dude who can slow down talented, athletic wings is Josh Pastner!

28. Shai Gilgeous-Alexander

29. Wenyen Gabriel: 3 and D potential

30. Jarred Vanderbilt: another dude at the end of the 1st round who has the Calipari University seal of approval.

NBA DRAFT HALFTIME SHOW.

NBA FO types furiously do some YouTube highlight mix tape drive-byes of 35 or 40 2nd round types.

2nd round

31. BILLY Preston: did ANYBODY survive college last year or only the guys who didn't really go (much)? Earl Clark 2.0 or Lamar Odom 2.0?

32. Aaron HOLIDAY -- thought I would kick off the second round with a little Summertime.

33. Jar Jar Jackson, Jr. His knuckleball, corkscrew, sidewinding, time bending, mind altering 3 point shot might travel through space like the Death Star but he practices the Lost Art of ALT GRIND Default Basketball: He gets IN the way on defense and OUT of the way on OFFENSE. As opposed to DA10 who gets IN the way on offense and outta the way on DEFENSE.

34. Brandon McCoy aka The Real Brandon aka the Guy Who Held His Own in the McDonald's All American Game (or was it the Nike Hoops Summit Game?) and did well against Ayton in college.

35. Miles Bridges: the guy who falls. Switched him out with De'Andre Melton. I DO like Miles but he is a bit of a tweener. Disappears too much. Michigan State guys are getting too much love right now.

36. Keita Bates-Diop: solid ranking according to ESPN Advanced Analytics

37. Goga Bitadze: Euro Stash with shades of Euro TRASH. Oh by the way, what DECADE is it in Europe?

38. Troy Brown: Hints of Devean George. Finished watching a Troy Brown highlight mash-up on YouTube. Longest 3 minutes of my life.

39. Dzanan Musa: Euro. Shooter. Long. So, yeah, NBA GM Kryptonite. A year away from still being in Bosnia.

40. Landry Shamet: Moneyball Trae Young

41. Isaac Bonga: Some upside here. Or, in the G League. Wherever....

42. Tony Carr: Key question with him: Is he SELF-DRIVEN?

43. Trevon Duval: a highly ranked kid out of high school. Decent all star potential according to ESPN analytics

44. Jacob Evans

45.. William McDowell-White: this import has a solid rating by ESPN analytics

46. Tryggvi Hlinson: Icelandic Big Man with solid analytics aka Big Ice

47. Zhaire Smith: way high on lots of mocks. Reminds me of Tony Allen with more bounce

48. Khyri Thomas: Likes to dribble and take contested jumpers. Poor man's Tyreke. Ok, ok Rec League Reke.

49. Kenrich Williams: I have no idea who this guy is. The G League is about to find out though!

50. Kevin Hervey: looks solid

51. Gary Trent, Jr.

52. THEO! "INTANGIBLES!" PINSON

53. Shake Milton. Solid highlights. Just checked him out. Tons of wings in this thing though. Sir Shake has Tony Wroten potential. At 58 though, you take the good with the bad. Hints of Jamaal Franklin, too. Although he looks like a better shooter than both.

54. Allonzo Trier: gunner. Meh game.

55. Melvyn Govindy: Solid ESPN Analytics Ranking. Sounds like a solid Draft and Stash option

56. Isaac "Generation Purdue" Haas: He's a big one!

57. Bonzie Colson: had 31 at Duke. Is Duke a fraud?

58. Chris Chiozza: in case of emergency, break 3rd String Point Guard Glass

59. Luke Maye: shades of Kurt Rambis

60. Yago Dos Santos: possibly the Isaiah Thomas of this draft.


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