share

"Free Agent's" ...A Watchmen Paraody And Graphic Novel By ScareCrow

The Scare Crow ...
Registered User
Joined: 04/17/2010
Posts: 3185
Points: 1005
Offline
"Free Agent's" ...A Watchmen Paraody And Graphic Novel By ScareCrow

Espn plays on the Television in the Luxury high rise apartment of Lebron James.

" Where will James sign folks? Sources say a deal is close with The Knicks but we'll have to find out from the King himself."

Lebron annoyed at the screen channel surfs until he see's a commercial featuring Justin Beiber climbing out of a pool. The Song That's Incredible plays in the back round of the Kobe Bryant "24" cologne promo...

At the stroke of Midnight while LBJ is mesmerized by that Beiber bod ...Some One Kicks in Lebron James' door and an epic struggle ensues. Lebron and his mystery attacker fight to the death. Only after LBJ falls victim a "Thunderous" right hook, he his lifted above his attacker's head and thrown out his rise rise apartment window...His headband goes flying in the frame slowly falling to the New York City sidewalk...

Cue Bob Dylan Song and flashback to all the great Nba players most famous highlights...

Just Hours after Lebron's last leap...

Stu Jackson and David Stern talk in the "Kings" apartment about why someone would wanna kill Lebron James on the eve of Free Agency...

David Stern: "Look Stu, picture with the President.You think Lebron was A spook? "
Stu Jackson: "Whatever he was, he's gone now. And whoever threw him had to be a strong SOB. What was he, 6'9 250? He was built like a line backer."
David: Yeah I saw the body. For a dead guy he was in great shape. And there goes the face of the NBA...
Stu: Who do you think did it. Jay Z , Prokov ? What about Ferry, he didn't take that Cleveland thing well.
David: Whatever this is, It's way over our head ...Zoom out to the NY skyline starting in LBJ's condo and ending as far out as to see the entire city...

Wally Szczerbiak walks down a busy New York sidewalk just hours after "The Kings" murder...

"Szczerbiak's Journal July 1st 2010...
Dog Carcass in alley, John Bryant on burst stomach...Tli's afraid of me. I've seen he's true face...his home his an extended gutter and the gutters are full of blood and baby oil and when the blood finally scabs over the vermin(all the banned users in his basement) will all drown."

* Szczerbiak pulls out a grapple gun and uses it to scale the huge high rise building once occupied by Lebron James..

"the Accumulated filth of all their sins and 2012 mock drafts and trade rumors will foam up about their waist and all the Knick's fans and whores and politicians will look and shout save us...And I'll look down and whisper...No..."

* Now in the apartment of LBJ

"Now the whole world stands on the brink, staring down into tli's basement and bloody hell.And all the liberals and LLperez and the smooth talkers ...all of the sudden nobody can think of anything to say...
Well now the Best Basketball player in the world is dead...Somebody knows something..."

"Somebody Knows..."


T-Wolvesfan13
T-Wolvesfan13's picture
Registered User
Joined: 05/10/2010
Posts: 187
Points: 410
Offline
I have to say

I have to say that was awesome! lol that made me laugh really hard hahaha.

The Scare Crow ...
Registered User
Joined: 04/17/2010
Posts: 3185
Points: 1005
Offline
In the Home of Brad Daugherty aka The Cleveland Comet

He and Mike Miller are having a beer talking about the old Cavs/Bulls rivalry...Brad talks, Mike mostly listens...

Brad Daugherty:" There's me , Antoine Carr , Danny Ferry, The Big Z, Lebron James and Delonte West . Don't have get me started on Delonte West... Crazy son of &$#%#&@!... To think he might have pictures of The King's mother in a ridiculous position is amazing...

Mike Miller: Yeah, but it was him or a Clipper right?

Brad: Hey, we had it easy in those days. Before Stern and the Player Unions forcing you guys out...
For what it worth, you would have been a hell of Cavalier...you were better than I ever was...

Mike: Mow you know that's bull shyt Brad.

Brad:Watch your mouth...This is the right handed dribble that crossed over Captain Metropolis...

Mike Miller: I better get outta here.There was a John Bryant siting not to far from here.

Brad: Yeah, I saw. I saw your friend Szczerbiak on the news too. They said he broke knicksboys32's nose for the Lebron in a Knick's jersey picture on some forum he posted on. When do you think he'll give it up.

Mike Miller: Oh, he'll give it up...When he's dead...

* Mike Miller leaves Brad Daugherty's run down trophy shop. He thinks about all the missed 3's and bad free agency moves he made in his career. Has the night gets colder and Mike walks past the block tli fought the first ever knicksfan and created the infamous basement dungeon routine, he gets home to see his door broken open.He opens the door ,trying to gain the confidence he had as a National Champion and young star in the NBA pre Lebron. He walks into his dark house and notices the light on in the kitchen. He gets the nerve to open the door hoping it wasn't spencerhawes2 and danEboy, he owed them a thousand bucks from a flip cup tournament. He walks in and see's his old partner Wally Szczerbiak eating his baked beans straight out the can.

Wally:Micheal. Sorry I helped myself to some beans.

Mike: Szczerbiak? You want me to heat those up for you?

Wally: No. Fine like this. We have to talk. * Throws Lebron's bloody headband on the table.

Mike: What's this bean juice?

Wally: Yeah, human bean juice. Headband belong to Lebron. So does the blood. He's dead.

Mike: Lets talk down stairs,even though tli has me terrified of basements.

Wally: sure but let me take a shard. Those beans ain't sitting right.

* two meet up in the basement of "Skinny" Mike Miller...It's decked out in sports memorabilia and vigilante weapons and outfit. It has an underground subway tunnel that Mike built to travel under the City. It was almost completely destroyed in the gang war for J Nixon Iggy 9's nba draft net points.

Mike: You think it was a political hit? I heard Lebron was into some secret society. Maybe it was revenge from the Mew york deal.

Wally: Maybe someone's trying to pick off Free Agents.

Mike: You think that sounds a little paranoid?

Wally: Paranoid. Is that what people think of me and ScareCrow now? Paranoid.

Mike: What do you do expect we do about it? The Free agency is over...

Wally: Retribution? An attack on one is an attack on all of us. I came to warn you first. Good bye Micheal.

Mike: Yeah, Good bye Szczerbiak. The exit is down the hall.

Wally: I know. I remember I used when we were partners.

Mike: What happened to us? Those were good times...

Wally: You quit!...

Szczerbiak disappears into the dark tunnel and Mike is left to sit and wonder. Who killed Lebron?
And what does it have to do Free Agency?

butidonthavemoney
butidonthavemoney's picture
Registered User
Joined: 02/26/2009
Posts: 6171
Points: 9836
Offline
This

This is great stuff.

Best line: "Wally: Yeah, human bean juice."

Win.

Edit: Just occured to me that this is a bit of a Watchman spoof.

The Scare Crow ...
Registered User
Joined: 04/17/2010
Posts: 3185
Points: 1005
Offline
Szczerbiak's Journal July 1st 2010...

Szczerbiak's Journal July 1st 2010...

Went to see Mike Miller today and tell him about my Free Agent Killer theory. He's a worthless shell of his former self. He worries if his Memphis 6th man Award was his max potential and forgets what we were. Renegade NBA players who wore masks and beat up Forum posters when they went to far and the outcast sat around creating threads that went over everyone's head. Now The biggest fish in the Sea was Murdered. Lebron James "The King" killed on the brink of changing the world. The entire landscape of the Financial World hinged on his decision...Every Free Agent looked to him for the answers...He creates the domino effect in our fraternity of Vigilante NBA ballers...But who...Danny Ferry???...The balding coward he had fired after the infamous Boston Free Party???...Delonte West???...Lebron's arch nemesis, and step father...was it one of the other Big Free Agents trying to take the top spot??? What about Daugherty, he didn't want Lebron to leave Cleveland...Wrote a book saying ranting on and on about how he was the one who could save that City...He created a witch hunt...Made Lebron a villian...him and those conspiracy theorist...Posters like ScareCrow and MikeyVthedon...even when they mysteriously vanished weeks after the " Lebron James and The Illuminati" Threads, there were people asking questions...did his handlers feel he would crack...why kill the Biggest Star in our universe...

* Breaking into a Military Complex heavily guarded by Soldiers wearing Hypno Toad shirts....

I need answers, so I'll go to the only other people who know the rules and ruthless ways of the draft net underworld...I will go tell the indestructible man that some one wants to kill him.I shall tell Shaquille O'neal that the world is in danger and he must intervene. The Diesal and his young girlfriend, Candace Parker( Sheldon Williams was crushed by Shaq's fist on a Hulk smash style finisher)

* Shaq stand's 70 feet tall when Szczerbiak walks into the room...He's working on a new Nuclear Reactor and notices that Wally's in the room before he turns around...

Shaq: Hello, Wally...I Know why your here...I can't help you...

Candace Parker: What the hell are you doing here Wally, The police and spencerhawes2 are looking you...

Szczerbiak: Hmm. Hello Mrs. Williams...How are you ? hmm.

Candace: I go by a different name now, you should learn it...

Wally: I'm sorry Miss Parker ( when you gonna let me &$#%#&@! Miss Parker???)

Candace: What are you doing here anyway?

Shaq: He's here to ask me who killed Lebron James.But even if I wanted to tell you I cant...

Wally: Is your telepathy being interfered with by some sort of interference?

Shaq: I cant see into the future ass whip...I'm a Genie not a mind reader...But seriously...Something is happening and I cant waste time talking to you...Good bye Szczerbiak...

Wally:" I went through a lot to talk to you Shaq...I'm not going to leave until I have My"....* gets teleported outside the military complex...." Say...hmmm "

The Scare Crow ...
Registered User
Joined: 04/17/2010
Posts: 3185
Points: 1005
Offline
@ Money ...I'm incredibly bored with the post here..so ...

I'm creating a Watchmen esqe parody about the Free Agent Bonanza...Imagine an alternate universe where the NBA players we know and love are Vigilante's that fight crime and track down their biggest draft net critics...Imagine that in this world Lebron his the alpha mercenary and where ever goes wins titles and creates mass revenues for the market he's in...Now picture that after being the big fish in Free Agency as he's home watching sport's center( cue in Irony) he's attacked and thrown to his death...Now picture a bunch of Washed Up NBA Vigilante's lead by Wally Z, Mike Miller, Shaq Fu with all the powers of Shazam and Steele, Candace Parker and a slew of draft net guys, NBA players, John Bryant all fall victim the unstoppable doom that awaits the NBA...A Nuclear Lock Out....Who Killed Lebron???...It's the next who shot J.R?

The Scare Crow ...
Registered User
Joined: 04/17/2010
Posts: 3185
Points: 1005
Offline
Chapter 4 Tmmrw...Tired and Fried from Kanada Kush

Tune in Folks..."The Kings Funeral"...Enter Simon and Garfunkle's "The Sound Of Silence..."

Wreckless
Wreckless's picture
Registered User
Joined: 12/24/2009
Posts: 775
Points: 1419
Offline
Hey ms parker, ms parker,

Hey ms parker, ms parker, when you get let me &$#%#&@!??

marcusfizer21
marcusfizer21's picture
Registered User
Joined: 06/09/2009
Posts: 2570
Points: 4774
Offline
cool

I just loved watching and reading the Watchmen... LOL.. Great parody dude...

Pureshooter
Pureshooter's picture
Registered User
Joined: 05/04/2009
Posts: 768
Points: 1046
Offline
Get to the flashback where he

Get to the flashback where he tries to rape KG.

The Scare Crow ...
Registered User
Joined: 04/17/2010
Posts: 3185
Points: 1005
Offline
It's wasn't KG Lebron tried to rape...It was Lisa Leslie...

and when he's about to force her to "Hail The King", he gets interrupted and Owned by "Big Country' Bryant Reeves...who disappears shortly after the C.B.A is signed and the temporary "Lock out" is lifted...Many believed that Lebron got his revenge on Big Country and that he's floating at the bottom of the Ohio River...But we just care to think he's still out there, watching and waiting....and maybe just maybe, he's the one who killed Lebron...Hard for Szczerbiak to question a man that doesn't want to be found...But if anyone can find him It's Wally Szczerbiak....

McDunkin
McDunkin's picture
Registered User
Joined: 03/17/2010
Posts: 7453
Points: 28202
Offline
(No subject)

Neat Stuff Right Thumbs Up Smiley Smilie Smileys Smilies Emoticon Animated Animation Animations Gif Pictures, Images and Photos

The Scare Crow ...
Registered User
Joined: 04/17/2010
Posts: 3185
Points: 1005
Offline
Thanks man...I'm not finished with The Funneral of LBJ

and I'm not letting this one die like a young boy's dreams in tli's basement...I'll free style the rest of the story later...I'm waiting on some more Kush for the final Push....

The Scare Crow ...
Registered User
Joined: 04/17/2010
Posts: 3185
Points: 1005
Offline
All the "Agents'

Szczerbiak Journal July 2nd...2010...

Meeting with Shaq has left a bad in my mouth, like the time I kissed knicksboy32's mom. The Most Powerful man in the NBA, the world and all 9 planets spends his days with a two timing Tennessee Volunteer. He spends them trying to create new dance moves and an answer for our dependence on foreign oil. All along he had the power to help Lebron take over the world, but he didn't want to. He's become isolated from the world since infamously asking " Kobe, how's my ass taste?" Well the Black Mamba answered with 2 championships and exiled Shaq to the Military Complex he currently resides...Now on the brink, I must not stop...Evil must be punished...Even in the face of Armageddon .

* Back in the Military Complex just outside Newark NJ.

Candace Parker: What's going Shaquille? You know something don't you. About the NBA?...

Shaq:If only you show the NBA through my eyes, then you'd understand....

Candace: Well show me Shaq. * Just then Shaq touches her head and shows are the past, present and future simultaneously. Flashes of Candace in the NCAA, Kobe and Shaq alley oop in the playoffs and the a darker vision of David Stern and The Summit of NBA "Free Agents" meeting on the Mountain in Delphi( Greece ) Lightning stabs the sky. Lebron, Wade, Bosh and Amare meet with the Overlord of the NBA, the now hideously disfigured David Stern...

David: You cant just pull out now. You all know what we agreed to. Now Your all going start calling your own shots, joining forces. What you want will bring on Dooms day to the NBA. The plan was to keep you all spread out nice and comfy. Big Stars. Lebron we made a deal you and me. I made you the next big thing. Now you want to &$#%#&@! me like your prom date. You remember who you took to prom Lebron?

... Lebron: * Looking down in shame....Heather Hayward.

David: You don't say when Dooms day approaches. I say when dooms day approaches.

* Candace snaps out of the lucid dream

Shaq: You see why I keep these things from you? Your mind travels to dark places like tli's basement.

The Scare Crow ...
Registered User
Joined: 04/17/2010
Posts: 3185
Points: 1005
Offline
All The Kings Horses

Mike Miller walks into the Office of Kobe Bryant has he his being interviewed by a Life Magazine reporter...

* Mike Miller visits his would be Laker team mate Kobe in his high rise office building...He and Kobe kept in contact over the years, both aware of the others secret life in the circle superheroes...Now a fly on the Wall, Mike stands in the corner and listens Kobe answers questions the aftermath of Lebron's death..

Interviewer: So you win your 5th championship, get one step closer to the Great "Air" Jordan and still become eclipsed by your rivals Lebron James and Company with the Free Agent bonanza. How does that make you feel?

Kobe: If your trying to ask me am I mad, that in the light of my accomplishment others are basking in the rays of their there own desolate destinies well, I can't be mad. I'm the greatest offensive player ever.
The most proficient assassin in the game.... My only regret is the fact I couldn't beat Him in the Finals...

Interviewer: Which Him? Micheal...Shaq...or Lebron...??? You had a chance to do it with Lebron...
Get your redemption...That's what you wanted after all...Right???

Kobe: I just want to be the Best Ever...And you can only be the best if you beat the best...Thank you but but this interview is over gentlemen...

*Kobe Acknowledges Mike Miller in the room as his assistant escorts the others out of the room...

Kobe: Mike...It's been a while...Looking good, I guess...Ready for the season...

Mike: That's what I wanted to talk to you about...Things have come up...Lebron's dead and Szczerbiak thinks that it may be a serial killer on the loose...

Kobe: You mean besides John Bryant. One murder doesn't represent a trend. And Wally's crazy any way...He's practically a Mormon...

Mike: Your probably right Kobe, I just wanted to warn you first. Being the Best and all...Your going have a huge target on your back. Shaq seems to think it's something bad about to happen...

Kobe: Well Shaq is a Jack Ass and he's probably right...

Mike: If he is and there is Nuclear Lock Out...Can he save the NBA...

Kobe: Even if can bring back the Fu and smimey shake at the all star game he still wont change the fact the Owners and Player's Union screwed it up...Even Shaq cant be every where....

The Scare Crow ...
Registered User
Joined: 04/17/2010
Posts: 3185
Points: 1005
Offline
Bump....

Read and Enjoy....^^^

ScareCrowsRevenge
ScareCrowsRevenge's picture
Registered User
Joined: 07/07/2010
Posts: 196
Points: -179
Offline
bUMP...

Read and Enjoy...Looks like the Ending Cavs fans wish would have came from this Free Agency

StF616
StF616's picture
Registered User
Joined: 04/18/2010
Posts: 570
Points: 1036
Offline
This Is Epic

This Is Epic

ScareCrowsRevenge
ScareCrowsRevenge's picture
Registered User
Joined: 07/07/2010
Posts: 196
Points: -179
Offline
Thank you I came up with it Free style...

I can see the head band falling slowly in the Skyline...lol....I want more feed back...I'm thinking about trying to make it full length parody ...It's as a lot of hidden meanings even though it's meant as a joke...Tell others please ...It beats the Millions of other post here right...And I want to continue the Story ...We haven't even Buried the King...Had there are the questions...who Killed Lebron and who watches the Free Agents ???

The Scare Crow ...
Registered User
Joined: 04/17/2010
Posts: 3185
Points: 1005
Offline
I'm back...and I'm bumping an old story...

enjoy it boys

McDunkin
McDunkin's picture
Registered User
Joined: 03/17/2010
Posts: 7453
Points: 28202
Offline
hey crow

hey crow

The Scare Crow ...
Registered User
Joined: 04/17/2010
Posts: 3185
Points: 1005
Offline
Yo McDunkin...how's the Draftnet"s most funniest poster doing

I'm here in Louisville Kentucky looking for victims at Iroquois Park...a few cross overs and facials and I'll be back on the site like a die hard...been busy working and trying to move the family down from Philly...

One question...Where are the pig tits???

McDunkin
McDunkin's picture
Registered User
Joined: 03/17/2010
Posts: 7453
Points: 28202
Offline
Man i forgot all about the

Man i forgot all about the Piglet Titlets. Catchphrase of the year in my opinion

Are we gonna see you at any louisville or kentucky games this year?

The Scare Crow ...
Registered User
Joined: 04/17/2010
Posts: 3185
Points: 1005
Offline
Two Words...Hell Yes...

I think Ashley Judd is a Mega Milf and I'd suck on all 8 little pig titties to get an up close view of her fine ass...Also I'm a big Pittino and Calipari guy...They have great track records for recruiting the cream of the Crop and I'm trying to get the first look...Also...I plan on playing these guys soon...

RUDEBOY_
RUDEBOY_'s picture
Registered User
Joined: 04/10/2010
Posts: 7433
Points: 13488
Offline
scarecrow.. who plays shaq in

scarecrow.. who plays shaq in the movie version...how bout micheal clark duncan as the old shaq...renaldo sidney as the young shaq...

The Scare Crow ...
Registered User
Joined: 04/17/2010
Posts: 3185
Points: 1005
Offline
I think Shaq plays Shaq in the Movie Version....

I'm trying to find the time to do a massive rewrite in the next few weeks...Stay Tuned

RSS: Syndicate content