Draft.net Horoscopes Part: 3
Most of you already know that I am an officially licensed junior astrologer, and it's about that time again.
Who wants a free horoscope?
predict my future like Thats So Raven
I May Be Based's Horoscope: Your future is clouded... I can only see an older version of you standing naked in your front lawn, berating the Hispanic mailman for "sucking at his job" and chasing the school bus down the street whenever it passes. On an unrelated note; you'll do the majority of your future shopping at Wal-Mart.
I thought you said you predicted futures? ... not my past
I said it was cloudy...
Besides, I'm not a psychic, I'm an astrologer. I read horoscopes.
Get with the program.
"NoMoney is without a doubt the "astrologer's astrologer." I was lucky enough to meet him early last year when he asked me to appear on his program and was so impressed at the time with his skills as both an astrologer and an interviewer, I asked him to collaborate with me on a few of my professional projects. Fortunately, for me, he agreed and since then we have become very close colleagues and very good friends. But then, with the high level of both his professional skills and his personal values, it was impossible not to. For that reason, and the fact that NoMoneys astrological expertise in both transit interpretations and relationship analysis is second to none, he is not only the astrologer I send my clients and family to for their astrological forecasts, he's the one I trust to do my own."
At the very least, I hope that the ape stereotypes are kept to a minimum when I finally see Rise of the Planet of the Apes. Except, of course, the use of feces as a weapon.
For some reason i cant stand the name of that movie
The Monkeys are talking! For some reason, when I was a kid, I thought the concept of this movie, was, incredible. I honestly never saw the original, and the Tim Burton was worse than sin, but my brother is coming to town and he got me excited about seeing it. As an enthusiast of animals killing human movies, it should at least be good for a few yuks.
It reminds me of the time when I decided that Snakes on a Plane was going to be my farewell movie when I left college. A bunch of friends and I went on my last day in Eugene, and it was a blast. I mean, the name was exponentially better than this movie, but I had no idea the amount of private parts the snakes would be biting, truly fantastic. All I can hope is that it turns out to be a musical:
How about mine haha
mikeyvthedon's Horoscope: Over the years, the backs of your kneecaps will develop an extreme sensitivity to contact. It shall start off as a light tickle, but eventually you'll be unable to sleep as the slightest breeze will force you to erupt in an uncontrollable laughter. Try to soundproof your apartment and be sure to have lots of extra sheets handy, as you will also have a sensitive bladder.
Scottoant93's Horoscope: Your death is mysterious, even to a pro like me. All I'm getting is pickle brine. Gallons and gallons of pickle brine. Also an ill-fated bath toy. Hmmmm...
lmao that is a mystery for sure because what the hell is pickle brine haha
You'll find out in your last moments on Earth...
I wanna hear what the stars say about the Sin..
The8thDeadlySin's Horoscope: Buy a new toothbrush. I'll do your mental stability a favor and not tell you why, but seriously, throw your current one away.
But I just bought one of those vibrating tooth brushes... It makes my nose get tickled if I bite down on it.. I really like it.. Are you sure it said tooth brush and not gooch brush?? I need a new brush to tidy up my chote...
For God's sake!
DON'T USE THAT TOOTHBRUSH!
I am warning the crap out of you!!
Funny phrase there:
"..warning the crap out of you"
Can you imagine if you could actually warn the crap out of someone?? I mean just warn and warn and warn them all day untill they actually shat themselves?? That would just be insane.. It would probably be so bad that it would get on other stuff.. The sink, their hand soap, toothpaste and their toothbru.....................
Ooh, ooh, What about me?