2014 APRIL FOOLS DAY MOCK DRAFT
Happy April Fool's Day Everybody
1. MILWAUKEE BUCKS: NICK WIGGINS
Last year, the Cleveland Cavaliers shocked the world by using their #1 overall pick on Anthony Bennett who wasn’t even a Top 5 pick in most people’s mock drafts. A recent report stated that Dan Gilbert drafted Bennett as an insult to Andrew Wiggins so he could no longer become the first Canadian to be drafted #1 after apparently reminding Gilbert too much of LeBron (The comparison was more relevant a year ago). This year, the country best known for dominating in hockey has dominated the NBA draft again. Bucks GM John Hammond has appeared to be inspired by the Cavs last year by shocking the world with a Canadian, has done it again by not drafting his brother Andrew or Tyler Ennis (The only other Canadian with a shot of being drafted high). However, not only was Nick Wiggins not projected to even be in the Top 5 (a la Bennett), he wasn’t even in Chad Ford’s Top 500 prospects. Or maybe high draft picks no longer rely on stats as much anymore after he averaged an impressive 5 ppg, 2 rebounds and 0.5 assists for Wichita State. As Hammond admitted to wanting to shock the world for the second consecutive year, it also turned out to be that Adam Silver accidentally said Nick instead of Andrew due to nervousness, announcing his first #1 overall draft selection rather than the #1 pick of the 2nd round. As the card written for Silver to announce in front of him actually said “Andrew” on it, Silver still said Nick. However, Hammond said that he used the pick on Nick after being inspired by Gilbert last year. As Nick and Andrew sound nothing alike, who was the liar in this case? Who knows, but let’s hope this doesn’t lead the NBA into another lockout. Not a very good way to start your first draft as the head commissioner Mr. Silver.
2. PHILADELPHIA 76ERS: AQUILLE CARR
After getting waived by the Delaware 87ers (Their D-League Affiliate) in early January, Carr took his talents to the ABA (Antarctican Basketball Association). After averaging 1 ppg, 14 turnovers and 12 shots blocked per game (That’s shots attempted by him that were blocked), the 76ers decided to give him another chance after still being impressed by his YouTube mixtapes from high school. The ever-famous “YouTube Legend” has earned himself a career in practically the same way as Kimbo Slice (His career as a UFC fighter sucked too) from showing their talents on YouTube rather than impressing pro scouts in person. Antarctica only has a population of 34 and that’s counting the players in its basketball league as well, so Carr had to be playing against penguins to play in a league in a country with that small of a population.
3. ORLANDO MAGIC: BILLY DONOVAN
“The Runaway Coach” will always be remembered for accepting the Magic’s offer to coach them in 2007 then changing his mind to stay at Florida. The Magic have been beyond impressed with Donovan’s performance by being the best NCAA Team without any high NBA Draft picks on the team. Just so they could catch him without him running away again, they used an actual draft pick on him to make sure they have his rights.
4. BOSTON CELTICS: JABARI PARKER
The Celtics were very fortunate to pick up Parker as a steal at #4. However, Danny Ainge stated that he will not allow Parker to play a game in a Celtics uniform until he serves a 2 year Mormon mission. As Jabari didn’t allow his patience to miss out on what he loves doing by skipping two years of college, but now instead of having us wait two years to watch him playing college ball, but now it looks like we have to wait another two years until we get to watch him play in the NBA :(.
5: UTAH JAZZ: CHERYL FORD
The four time WNBA All-Star, three time WNBA champion and daughter of the NBA’s second all time leading scorer Karl Malone finally made a comeback to the WNBA last year as she signed with the New York Liberty. Ever since Karl Malone betrayed the franchise in 2003 when he left them to attempt a championship run with the Lakers, the Utah Jazz have really missed their dominance in the post. Last year, the Dallas Mavericks ended up not drafting Brittney Griner after Mark Cuban mentioned the possibility. But we will get to witness the first female player drafted in the lottery after all. The coach Tyrone Corbin stated that the “Mail-Lady” will be an upgrade of Derrick Favors starting at the Power Forward position and it also rumored that the Jazz are also looking to draft their other legend John Stockton’s son, David Stockton of the Gonzaga Bulldogs.
6: LOS ANGELES LAKERS: KATIE LOVELL
As the Los Angeles Lakers are now in the rebuilding process and with Kobe Bryant only getting older, the Lakers have tried hard to get rid of his $90 million dollar contract. In order to make that happen, the Lakers have decided to draft the lady who accused Kobe of sexually assaulting her in 2003. Although Lovell has no experience of organized basketball whatsoever, Mitch Kupchak said “It’s the easiest way for us to cut ties with Kobe”. After drafting Lovell, would they trade Kobe, amnesty his contract (If that’s even possible) or release him and still pay that money, who knows?
7. SACRAMENTO KINGS: BOW WOW
Last fall, their longtime arch-rival Shaquille O’Neal joined the team staff as a minority owner. Shaq’s god awful acting career will never be forgotten about after Kazaam and Steel got historically terrible ratings from critics. Now they got the star of Like Mike to star in another awful movie with Shaq who's been rumored to attempt another comeback of his acting career after his brief performances in Grown Ups 2 and The Lego Movie. Although Like Mike was decent, everything else Bow Wow ever starred in (Madea’s Happy Family, Lottery Ticket, Johnson Family Vacation) pretty much sucked as well as Shaq's movies. The Kings are also reportedly attempting to trade their 2nd round pick to Charlotte for Michael Jordan’s 7th grade game shoes (Bow Wow only wears size 9). Now with the power of MJ's old shoes, Bow Wow will tie his new old shoes whispering "Make Me Like Mike" before he suits up every game.
8. DETROIT PISTONS: JOHNNY MANZIEL
Johnny Football showed off his talents on the basketball court (http://youtu.be/1FnD6cBewTU) through a YouTube video showing his impressive athleticism. Joe Dumars has been very disappointed with the fact that his Pistons had that very talented young starting five along with the big contract they overused on Josh Smith. Surprisingly, Manziel’s video he posted even showed impression to NBA Scouts (at least one). Could Johnny Football become the first player to ever be drafted in the 1st round in both the NFL and the NBA?
9. CLEVELAND CAVALIERS: FORFEITED
After surprising the world by drafting players way ahead of where they were projected (Thompson,Waiters and Bennett) each of the past three drafts, they attempted to do it for the fourth consecutive year but however it failed even worse than it did last year by wasting their #1 pick on Anthony Bennett. As every team has five minutes on the clock to submit their selection, the player Gilbert tried to add to his Cavs named “Gregory Funeral” from Sonoma State University (D2 college) apparently does not exist. Dan Gilbert had a very difficult time understanding commissioner Adam Silver as he tried to explain that there are no records of their selection being eligible for the draft, Gilbert expressed his anger commenting “Well, Gregory’s gonna be late for his own Funeral”.
10. DENVER NUGGETS: EUROPEAN BALLER (TRADED TO SPURS)
THE DENVER NUGGETS HAVE TRADED THIS PICK TO THE SAN ANTONIO SPURS FOR DRAFT RIGHTS OF DAVIS BERTANS, ADAM HANGA AND THE 30TH OVERALL PICK.
The San Antonio Spurs have selected NBADraft.net’s all time neg leader to apparently use him as their General Manager. We have history in the making with the first GM to be drafted. Gregg Popovich recruited EuroBaller from this website thinking he could use this guy who knows all about European basketball to help him recruit players from overseas. As the Spurs have had a huge amount of success drafting foreign players over the years, EB will be trying his hardest to draft the player rights of GEORGIOS DADATOKOUNUS, the 7’9 Small Forward averaging 1.7 ppg to the Spurs in next year’s draft.
11. PHILADELPHIA 76ERS: AARON CARTER
The so-called Justin Bieber of the early 2000’s ultimately beat Shaquille O’Neal in a game of 1 on 1 as a 13 year old in 2001. Carter bragged about his victory by releasing a single called “That’s How I Beat Shaq” (http://youtu.be/OfhhWA9GF0M). Even though, The Rolling Stones Magazine currently ranks it as the #1 worst rap song of all time, the 76ers still have not forgotten about his victory as they decided to use their #3 draft pick in the supposed to be best draft class since 2003 on a former child celebrity who hasn’t played a game of organized basketball since getting cut from his homeschool basketball team (if that’s even possible) as a freshmen. However, 2001 the year Carter won his epic victory over Shaq was also the same year the 76ers lost to the Lakers in the NBA Finals who were then led by Shaquille O’Neal, which still haunts the franchise to this day. The former childhood star has been facing some troubles recently. The likes from his fanbase have faded away as he is no longer attractive to teenage girls, after spending months in jail for drug possession and after filing for bankruptcy in November of 2013. Now is Carter’s chance to make a comeback with his career, only on the basketball court this time and is rumored to be hiring his brother Nick from the also forgotten about Backstreet Boys as his agent. A recent video shows Carter rematching O’Neal 12 years later, which did not go very well for Mr Carter. (http://youtu.be/X0Brxu97TQQ)
12. ORLANDO MAGIC: ARAN SMITH
Being the commander in chief for NBADraft.net posting all of Mock Drafts for the website since 2009, Smith decided to give himself another shot of his hopes of playing in the NBA by putting himself as the #4 pick in his most recent mock draft. As NBA GM’s love to use this site to scout players (Highly preferred over Draftexpress), the Magic decided to say “Why Not” and take a chance on the NBA draft genius. He also listed himself as a PG, hopefully starting in Jameer Nelson’s place if they could possibly reach that buyout.
13. MINNESOTA TIMBERWOLVES: TYLER POSEY
The T’Wolves have been quite disappointing this year to struggle like this while Kevin Love is having the best season of his career. So they decided to bring in the star of MTV’s series Teen Wolf to star for the Wolves. His character Scott McCall can turn into a werewolf while seeing the moon as he then turns into an absolute stud on the lacrosse team for his high school. With David Kahn believing the actor portraying the fictional character could do the same on the basketball court as the lacrosse field, Kahn said “Why not”. Maybe an actual werewolf playing for the Wolves with super athletic attributes could save Kevin Love’s career in Minny.
14. PHOENIX SUNS: AARON HARRISON
As the Suns became the first team to have a set of TWIN brothers on the same NBA roster at the same time, they realized how well having Markieff and Marcus Morris together worked out pretty good for them, they decided to do the same and have two sets of twins on the same team as they said that they will be using their #17 pick on Aaron’s twin brother Andrew. The Suns are also rumored to be signing both David and Travis Wear from UCLA as undrafted free agents as well.
I can't help but want to throw in a Zach Lavine dig in there.
15. NBA D League All Stars - Zach Lavine
Granted a special exemption due to the desire to grow it's recognition and thin out the NBA talent pool, Adam Silver has granted the D Leauge with the 15th pick in the draft. The D League drafts Zach Lavine due to not having the budget to hire it's own scouts and being fervid readers of NBADraft.net. They feel it was steal (currently projected at 12) to get him at 15th. His unproven skills and potential just means that he could become the first D League player to eventually become a star in the NBA. Excellent pick here.
Euroballer should have been a top 5 pick. You're bunch of racists! haha
I think the penguins were blocking.aquills shot.so much since most of them are taller than him anyways.
Justin Bieber can straight out ball and should be in the Canadian discussion. Nice work qDizzle32.
In other news, due to the vacancy left by former Kentucky assistant coach Orlando Antigua, John Calipari names Thon Maker as his newest assistant head coach, paying him $2 million over four years.
Yes, Thon Maker has ZERO coaching experience. BUT, he is a freaking basketball beast, and you can't "technically" pay players.
John Calipari Eleventyfinity, NCAA 0.