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2013 April Fool's Day NBA Mock Draft Lottery!!!

paradigmn
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2013 April Fool's Day NBA Mock Draft Lottery!!!

Happy April Fool's Day everybody!

(1) Charlotte Bobcats: GIANNIS ADETOKOUBO: After officially measuring 7-foot-3 (without shoes), and having a 12-foot wing span, Michael Jordan had to jump at the opportunity to draft the mystery point guard from Greece. While Adetokoubo is actually reported to be 35-years old, Jordan doesn’t care, as he was quoted as saying “At least he’s not as old as Bismack.” When asked where MJ heard about the Greek Nigerian, Jordan replied, “From EuropeanBaller of course!”

(2) Orlando Magic: JOSIAH TURNER: After dominating the basketball leagues in Iceland for almost an entire month, Josiah Turner has officially catapulted back up the draft boards. He averaged an impressive 5 ppg, negative 4 assists (if that’s even possible), and 15 turnovers. He led the legendary Nordic Vikings to an Icelandic Championship, even though they were actually the only team in the league. Turner was so impressive, he won the “Björgólfur Thor Björgólfsson” MVP award for “Biggest Bust Potential.” When asked the main difference between playing in Arizona and Iceland, Turner replied, “The weather is a lot better in Iceland.” Hmmmm? Go figure.

(3) Cleveland Cavilers: LeBRON JAMES, JR: Even though the oldest son of King James is only 9, Dan Gilbert doesn’t care, he knows potential when he sees it. LeBron James, Jr. already reads at a 6th grade level, and he can even burp the alphabet. He’s the #1 rated prospect in the Class of 2025, and Gilbert’s actually in the process of inventing a time machine so he can get James, Jr on the Cavs A.S.A.P. Dan Gilbert’s 14-year old son Nick also needs a friend to play with, so James, Jr. might be able to fit that role as well. There’s significant rumors Gilbert might draft King James other son, Bryce Maximus James instead, but I’ll guess we’ll have to wait until draft night to see how it plays out.

(4) Phoenix Suns: TEEN WOLF: On a tip from their Gorilla Mascot, the Phoenix Suns were one of the first organizations privy to the half-man, half-wolf sensation known by many as Scott Howard. While Teen Wolf has elite athleticism and an excellent skill-set, he does need to work on not licking himself so much, as well as going outside to use the bathroom. Another catch is if you don’t piss him off, you’ll be stuck with Michael J. Fox instead, and that dude can’t hoop to save his life.

(5) Detroit Pistons: BRITNEY GRINER: After being examined by doctors before the WNBA Draft, Britney Griner was actually discovered to be a hermaphrodite. Ironically this didn’t disqualify her from the WNBA, she just wanted to play with her peers instead. With the chance to add Griner to the frontcourt combination of Drummond & Monroe, Dumars felt it was a no brainer pulling the trigger on this selection. Of course the Pistons had to haze the rookie. They made her cook the team’s dinners, do their dishes, and wash their laundry. Griner got the last laugh though. She ended up banging all their wives and girlfriends.

(6) Sacramento Kings: KEVIN JOHNSON: The Mayor of Sacramento is desperate to keep the Kings in Northern California, and in one final ditch effort to accomplish that goal, the 3X all-star has re-entered the NBA Draft. This is obviously unprecedented, as no former player has ever been drafted more than once, but that’s nothing a few Benjamin’s can’t fix. If Johnson’s eligible, look for the Kings to draft him, right before they move the franchise to Seattle.

(7) Minnesota Timberwolves: NOBODY: Oh boy, David Kahn really screwed up this time. As we all know, an NBA team has 5 minutes to submit their draft selection into the commissioner, or their pick is forfeited. Not only did Kahn not get his pick in time, the player he was trying to draft, Haywood Jablome, doesn’t even exist (SMH). As you can well imagine, the owner of the T-Wolves was not pleased with this buffoonery. For his negligence, Khan was offered a 5-year, $50 million extension by the organization.

(8) New Orleans Pelicans: TOUCAN SAM: Even though the New Orleans Hornets don’t officially change their name to next season, what better way to honor the team by drafting an actual pelican (at least I think he’s a pelican). While Toucan easily has the highest vertical in the draft, his basketball IQ is lacking, since he’s clearly a birdbrain. If you bribe him with some Fruit Loops however, he’s probably good for a double-double.

(9) Oklahoma City Thunder: NERLENS NOEL: Even on April Fool’s Day, the Oklahoma City Thunder still nail their draft picks. Not only is Nerlens Noel a steal at #9, he’ll fit in quite nicely once the Thunder move on from Kendrick Perkins. After Oklahoma City sabotaged their chances of winning a title this season by trading James Harden, they needed to make big waves in the draft. The only problem is Scotty Brooks doesn’t allow his players to rock flattops. Ruh Roh Raggy!

(10) Washington Wizards: EVA KODOUSKOVA: Fair or not, it’s safe to say Jan Vesely has been an epic bust for the Washington Wizards to this point. What better way to light a fire under his butt than drafting his super hot girlfriend Eva Kodouskova, and moving her ahead of him on the depth chart. She might not have the hops of Vesely, but she definitely wears the pants in the relationship, and knows how to cover a pick-n-roll for crying out loud!

(11) Philadelphia 76ers: LEONID STADNYK: After trading away emerging center Nikola Vucevic, and losing Andrew Bynum for the entire 2012-13 season due to knee problems, the Sixers are rumored to be interested in the tallest human being in the world, Leonid Stadynk. At 8-foot-5, Stadynk is a living giant, although he’s virtually immobile. That might be a problem moving forward, but at least his knees check out. One more area of concern however, Stadynk’s an avid bowler. Like Biggie Smalls says “Baller’s and bowling don’t mix, like two diks, and no chic, find yourself in serious ish!”

(12) Portland Trailblazers: MARCUS JORDAN: The Portland Trailblazers will never forget drafting Sam Bowie over Michael Jordan, but they’re finally trying to close that chapter on their team’s history. The Blazers owner Paul Allen feels that if they draft Air Jordan’s son, Marcus Jordan, aka “Ground Jordan”, the curse of Bowie will be lifted forever. Now if they can only get back the $23 million Greg Oden stole from them, everything might actually come full circle.

(13) Dallas Mavericks: THE PROFESSOR: The white boy from the And 1 Mixtapes is finally ready to take his talents to the NBA, and it’s safe to say school is about to be in session. After accomplishing everything fathomable in the streetball industry, the Professor’s about to graduate to the next level. Even though he technically hasn’t been seen in over 5 years, and there’s no confirmation that’s he’s even alive, Mark Cuban feels The Professor could be the final piece to the puzzle. Hotsauce and AO are rumored to be his managers however, so I’m sure Cuban will try to low ball him during contract negotiations.

(14) Utah Jazz: CHAD FORD: After projecting players in NBA Drafts for almost a decade, Ford is starting to have illusions of grander, and feels he can be just as successful as any other NBA hopeful. In his latest Mock Draft, Ford projects himself as a top 5 pick, but I have to wait and see what his measurable are first before I put him that high. It’ll be interesting watching him during the NBA Combine however, because he’ll not only be doing all the drills with the players, he’ll still be commentating as well. Talk about a dual threat! The Jazz are also rumored to be interested in Doug Gottlieb, and since he’s been absolutely brutal for CBS Sports this season, don’t be surprised if he has a new employer next year.


khaled_a_d
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LMAO ,that was really funny

LMAO ,that was really funny

druneave3
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Awesome

Good stuff man, besides the Brittney Griner "low" blow.

RUDEBOY_
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Funny Stuff!!! I Bet NO

Funny Stuff!!!

I Bet NO MONEY Is Rollin Over in his Grave Laughing!!!

frogman
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Gotta feel sorry for Britney

Gotta feel sorry for Britney Griner.

JoeWolf1
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Well done!

Well done!

Memphis Madness
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awesome mock draft!

awesome mock draft!

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