2008 NBA Draft Diary

Fri, 06/27/2008 - 1:52am guest columnist Thomas J. Gersey gives readers an irreverent take on this year's draft in the spirit of Bill Simmons and Free Darko. Enjoy!

Good day and welcome! After two years of taking potshots at Stephen A. Smith and discussing the various fashion faux pas of 18 year old millionaires-in-waiting, the Consigliari's uncensored and unregulated draft diary has officially gone main stream. Ok, maybe not main stream...main creek? Regardless, I am very happy to bring you four hours of critique and commentary of the world's most upside-laden event - the NBA Draft. It's 4 o'clock in sunny San Jose, I have Cherry Coke Zero, a fridge full of Bud Light and half a pack of Dunhill Lights (smoking is bad kids, mmmkay?), so lets get this dog and pony show on the road!

4:00 - I'm in an especially festive mood following a dominating win by Spain in the Euro Cup today, so it is entirely possible I will not have a single bad thing to say - in which case, this Draft Diary may top out at 570 words. Tonight's top players are Derrick Rose, Kevin Love, Eric Gordon and DJ Augustin. Tonight's busts are DeAndre Jordan, Anthony Randolph, OJ Mayo, Joe Alexander, Jerryd Bayless, Roy Hibbert and Stephen A's microphone.

4:01 - Too late. the opening graphic has already got me on edge. Our opening song says that it takes 10% luck, 20% skill, 15% concentrated power of will, 5% pleasure, 50% pain, 100% reason to remember the name.....that's 200% kids. This is the kind of math you get when you leave college after one year. Btw, I thought it took 50% AAU, 25% having your tests written for you, and 25% payments under the table. I'm looking at you OJ.

4:02 - Frodo Stern with the intros, and AGAIN, labels the Garden as the home of the Knicks AND the Liberty. It's almost become a joke now. Is the WNBA even in existence still? And for Stern to have the balls to call this one of the most successful years in the league's history, after the Donaghy mess, the tragicomedy that is the Knicks, the brutal officiating, and the Seattle debacle, is downright insulting.

4:03 - Your hosts are Stu Scott, Stu Scott's eye-wrangler, Mark Jackson, Jeff Van Gundy and his eighthead and resident cliche-bot, Jay Bilas. Dear god, two quality hosts? Its gonna be puppy dogs and rainbows for this diary. Jax and JVG are very good, and to be quite honest, Im out of insults for Shtu and Bilas. Be right back....I'm gonna have to research the players if I'm going to have any comments tonight.

4:05 - Speculation that Derrick Rose may be the top pick. I have it on good authority that Rose is the pick here. I won't say how I know, but it involves Tim Donaghy's brother-in-law, a frozen envelope and a diving rod.

4:07 - With the first pick, the Chicago Bulls select.....Derrick Rose, PG, Memphis. A mild murmur rises from the crowd. I've heard a more surprised reaction to a sunrise. Shtu tells us that Rose's nickname is "Pooh", and that Winnie the Pooh likes honey....and that this is honey. Seven minutes in and I'm already looking for the mute button. Odds that Shtu makes 117 "smelling like a Rose" jokes in the next 5 minutes, 1:1.

I love Rose. Controls the game, cares about winning, gets everyone involved. Shouldn't take him more than two years to develop a consistent jump shot. This guy is a winner, and a leader, and absolutely deserves this honor. But I do NOT like the idea of bringing guys home. It seems like a fun idea at first, but how much practice time can this guy possibly get in when he's destined to be on the phone 10 hours a day taking ticket requests and writing loan checks to the 11,000 people that are about to come out of the woodwork.

4:11 - Oh no! Stephen A. is doing the interviews. Good lord. First interview is in the books, nothing too bad, other than the captain's chairs being used for the interview. Second stage looks like the left over set from Star Trek. Someone beam Stephen A. out please.

4:12 - Stu is wearing a Live Strong wrist band. Very topical. He is also wearing platform shoes and has pegged his suit pants. Someone get him a calendar.

4:13 - With the second pick, the Miami Heat select.....Michael Beasley, F, Kansas State. I see Michael brought Coach Huggins with him. As soon as the pick was made, Huggins left his table and sat with Joe Alexander.

Beasley is a monster. For all of the accolades that Kevin Durant got in his freshman season, Beasley put up much better numbers in the same conference. He is clearly the most talented player in this draft, and should be a consistent 20-10 guy at the next level. But questions abound about his head and demeanor. He has the ability to take over games, but does he really care enough to do what it takes to win? That is a question that must be answered. He's a laid back, easy going guy, and that kind of thing goes over with Pat Riley as well as a fart in church. Good chance this pick gets moved.

4:15 - Bilas just said Beasley is "bouncy", which appears to be his new word this year. He also has great feel and "secondjumpability." I guess we can just make up words now to describe people. In that case, Jay Bilas is "craptacular."

4:16 - Never mind about my question as to whether the WNBA still plays. Candace Parker just delivered my pizza and she says yes, she is still playing.

4:18 - With the third pick, the Minnesota Timberwolves select.........OJ Mayo, G, USC. A solid pick, but where does he play? Is McHale ready to say that Foye was a mistake? (Everyone else on the planet is.) Everyone calls this guy "NBA-ready." Perhaps, but there is a lot I didn't like about this guy every time I watched him. He lives on the perimeter, and just does not shoot well enough to be a gunner. He shot 44% from the field, and absolutely refused to drive the lane whenever I watched him. He avoided the paint like he was afraid of getting lead poisoning. That being said, scouts love his defense, and to me, that's enough to push a guy up in the draft.

4:20 - Congrats to Oventin J Anthony Mayo, who is sporting a vanilla suit and his bowling shoes. He is a dead ringer for the guy who played Chauncy in Menace to Society. This draft is flying by, I'm sure I'm missing a great deal of Stu jokes. He did ask Pat Riley, "What went into you all's decision" to pick Michael Beasley and Riley looked like he might slap Stu through the monitor.

4:24 - With the fourth pick, the Seat...uh Oklah....uh Sea.....the Sonics select....Russell Westbrook, G, UCLA. Stern had the absolute NERVE to call them the "Seattle" Supersonics. Apparently, you can just ignore the inevitable and pretend something didn't happen. I had no idea. I'd go on a diatribe here about the absolute travesty that is what is going on in Seattle, but Id be typing until my fingers bled. The owners and Stern absolutely lied to the fans about their dedication to that city, and are going to move a very proud franchise to a city whose media market is roughly the size of Guam's. I'm scared to get too excited about my Warriors for fear that they will be playing in Boise within three years.

As for Westbrook, he is a big point with the most explosive athleticism of any one in this draft, and maybe in the last five drafts. His jumper needs work, and he isn't a pure point, but if you were going to take a chance on someone at this pick, he is the guy. I'm amazed that he went from a skittish freshman who absolutely bombed in relief of Darren Collison last year, to the 4th pick in the draft. It should work out though, the Sonics have a great record with their lottery picks. Just last week, Saer Sene learned how to make a layup and rumors have it that Luke Ridneur is up to a strong 120 lbs.

4:26 - Doris Burke interviewing Kevin Durant in a mustard Century 21 sportcoat. Nevermind that Doris looks like she could post him up, I think he just tried to sell her a condo.

4:30 - Grizzlies are on the clock, and Chris Wallace is discussing a deal with Mitch Kupcheck that will send this pick to the Lakers in exchange for a high five and a chili dog.

4:31 - With the fifth pick, the Memphis Grizzlies select......Kevin Love, F/C, UCLA. Great pick! I love this pick. He may not be the greatest athlete in the world, but he has a high court IQ, can shoot from the perimeter, is an outstanding passer with probably the best footwork in the draft. Love will be a starter in the League for the next 12-15 years. And my god, the man has been in the gym. He must have dropped 15 lbs, which should make him even more active. Impressive interview, Love reminds me a lot of Shane Battier.

4:33 - Accolades aside, that chin beard has got to go. There is very little excuse for channeling Color Me Badd for your grooming habits. If Mike Miller grows a bad perm, that franchise is doomed.

4:35 - Yes! The Knicks are on the clock. Ok, who is the most overrated player on the board? DeAndre Jordan? Anthony Randolph? After back to back years of Renaldo Balkman and Wilson Chandler, I think this would be a great spot for Sonny Weems or some other 12 ppg third banana. Here it comes.....

4:37 - With the sixth pick the New York Knicks select.....Danilo Gallinari, F, Italy. The crowd....HATES IT! This guy could dunk on a 15 foot rim, and they'd boo. If the pick is by NY, the safe thing to do is to hate the pick. Lucky for Danilo, Euros don't boo, they whistle. So the guy probably has no idea how upset they are. Based on the highlights, looks like a solid player. I think if he works hard enough, he could be a poor man's Darko. Good luck in New York, paisan.

4:42 - Congats to Elgin Baylor and the Clippers. This is their record 20th lottery pick of all time! And if you throw out just the occasional bad pick here and there, they've had a solid 10% success rate. In honor of the occasion, Bo Kimble and Michael Olowakandi are tonight's valets.

4:43 - With the seventh pick the Los Angeles Clippers select.....Eric Gordon, G, Indiana. Thank god Gordon is finally out of that horrible situation in Indiana, and will finally get to play in a stable environment. White coat, black slacks....he just shook hands with stern then took his dinner order. Somewhere Cab Calloway can't find his shirt. I really like Gordon, I think he is the best pure scorer in the draft. He can shoot, drive and finish. A wrist injury ruined the second half of his season, but I think this kid is a better player than OJ Mayo. Go ahead and write that down...

4:48 - With the eighth pick the Milwaukee Bucks select....Joe Alexander, F, West Virginia. Many people called this, even after the Richard Jefferson trade. He is a freak athlete who can shoot the ball from anywhere. Has the best nickname in the draft, "Vanilla Sky", and is in a dead heat with Kevin Love for "worst beard." Btw, someone pat me on the back, he just hugged Bob Huggins before coming to the stage. Huggy is now working the room, willing to hug the highest bidder.

4:50 - 5 out of the first 8 picks are freshman. The cast of 90210 had a higher average age than this first round.

4:55 - With the ninth pick the Charlotte Bobcats select......DJ Augustin, PG, Texas. Of course, I love this pick. Smooth, smart, and he can control a game. He is everything Rose is, just smaller. He has incredible body control, and he can absolutely come in an contribute right away. A strange pick with Ray Felton on board, but early indications are that Felton is on the block. Clearly, Larry Brown is already starting to bring in his kind of players. Augustin has a great attitude, and will be a very solid player.

5:00 - With the tenth pick the New Jersey Nets select....Brook Lopez, C, Stanford. I have absolutely no take on this pick. 7 feet tall, and he grabbed a whopping 8 rebounds a game. Not exactly fleet of foot, he once drove the lane and got called for three second. At least he can score and takes up a good amount of space. If he can develop his post play he can....zzzzzzz. Clearly the most boring pick of the draft. Brook has so much personality, they are interviewing his brother instead. At least he will play on a team where the other options are Josh Boone and Sean Williams. Those two guys could start a game of HORSE tonight and finish sometime around Christmas.

5:05 - With the eleventh pick the Indiana Pacers select.....Jerryd Bayless, G, Arizona. Not a big fan of his game. If they try and play him at point, I don't see him making the move. Reminds me too much of Miles Simon. Has good size, and a decent shot, but nothing about his game screams "lotto" to me. Interview is good, sounds like a composed person. I'm most impressed that he is wearing cousin Eddie's white patent leather shoes from Vacation.

5:11 - With the twelfth pick the Sacramento Kings select....Jason Thompson, F, Rider. Small school senior, these guys traditionally are high character guys. Not sure how he fits on a team with Brad Miller and Spencer Hawes on the roster, but could be an effective PF in that lineup. A bit of a sleeper, he fired up draft charts this month, but still a huge surprise. Bilas tells us that he "rebounds with both hands" and god knows, its always refreshing to see your team draft a guy with two arms. Clearly a better choice than the one-armed off guard from Kentucky Wesleyen. Color me ambivalent.

5:15 - I think you can rate my excitement over this draft by the number of empty beer bottles and cigarette butts on the table. Lets just say my patio looks like Amy Winehouse's hotel room.

5:16 - With the thirteenth pick the Portland Trailblazers select.....Brandon Rush, G, Kansas. Very solid pick. Solid defender, smart player, the complete package. Can shoot, understands the game, he will be in the league for a long time. Nothing like his brother Kareem, he should team with Brandon Roy to give them a very complete, high character back court. All of a sudden, the Trailblazers are looking like a significant playoff contender. Considering the West's 9th best team won 48 games, the gap between the West and the East just continues to grow.

5:17 - Warriors are on the board! Every year I get excited, and every year they break my heart. I'm scanning the list of available players, and there are any number of terrible players they could add to the roster. Does Chris Washburn have a kid? What a silly question, of course he does. But are any of them draft eligible? My guy tells me super busy Anthony Randolph will be the pick, and out of the league in 8 minutes.

5:21 - With the fourteenth pick the Golden State Warriors select....Anthony Randolph, F, LSU. Like shooting fish in a barrel. This guy went from unranked at the beginning of the year, to the lottery. That is always a good sign. He is 6'11 and 195 pounds. A stiff breeze could push this guy out of the paint. He and Brandon Wright will look like the number 11 on the court.

5:24 - We made it through 14 picks before we got to hear from Dickie V, so that's a bonus. Quick recap of Dickie V's rant, "Potential......athlete.....PTPer.....potential.....potential.......I said......I said......super......I......I......I....potential, potential, potential." Quality report. With no Duke players in the mix, I'm guessing they had to wake him up to say something. I'm potentially annoyed.

5:26 - With the fifteenth pick the Phoenix Suns select.......Robin Lopez, C, Stanford. Great job Suns. Second highest scoring team in the league takes a guy who....can't score. He's wearing the same wig I wore to a 70's themed frat party. Very thin, looks like a Q-tip. Robin collects Disney memorabilia and is inventing his own superhero. I can't wait to read about the adventures of Brick Man.

5:33 - With the sixteenth pick the Philadelphia Sixers select......Mareese Speights, F, Florida. Solid pick. Great size, and really improved his perimeter touch in workouts. Probably only 1000 times better than Robin Lopez. Not a dominant player, but he holds his own against anyone.

5:37 - Toronto is on the board, and it looks like they are acquiring the corpse that was once Jermaine ONeal. This is the first transaction involving a dead guy since Michael Jackson bought the Elephant Man's bones.

5:38 - With the seventeenth pick the Toronto Raptors select......Roy Hibbert, C Georgetown. Apparently, part of the ONeal trade, and headed to Indiana where it seems they are nostalgic for the days of Steve Stipanavich. I can't kill this pick enough. He has the mobility of a lawn chair. He's solid at defending the 2 square foot area his feet are constantly bolted to. Would be a more valuable player if the NBA had line changes like hockey. Soft touch, but if he tried to jump you couldn't slide a credit card under his shoes. Biggest problem is he just can't keep up with a fast break, or get back on defense to defend one. Should team very well with TJ Ford. This guy could lose a 40 yard dash to a glacier with a good head of steam.

5:43 - With the eighteenth pick the Washington Wizards select.....JaVale Mcgee, F/C, Nevada. McGee's mom played in the WNBA. I am officially OLD. Are you kidding me? This is an indictment of good taste that the WNBA has been around long enough for an alum to have a child drafted. Highlights show that McGee inherited her toughness. Should take Brendon Haywood all of 10 minutes to punch this guy in the face. A left handed Patrick O'Bryant, but without the skill set.

5:45 - We have a trade! Indiana sends Ike Diogu and Jerryd Bayless to Portland for Jarrett Jack and Brandon Rush. Very interesting deal. So the Pacers deal for a point guard, then quickly deal for another point guard. The Blazers do it again. Anxious to dump Jack, they unload him for a couple of solid Pac-10 veterans. Kevin Pritchard is now officially my favorite NBA person. Monte Hall didn't make this many deals.

5:47 - The Atlanta Hawks have no picks in this draft. Yet somehow, they will still figure out a way to screw up tonight. Cleveland is on the clock, and I don't see any way that they wont take Kosta Koufos. I'm calling it a lock. Good time to mention that this is the longest Stephen A has ever gone without talking.

5:49 - With the nineteenth pick the Cleveland Cavaliers select......JJ Hickson, F, NC State. Oops! Wrong freshman big. Solid freshman who really came out of nowhere. Lots of scouts saying he worked out very well. Has a strong NBA body as a 19 year old, which is a good sign. Looks like a guy who could really develop. Only 6'8, but is strong and has a Buck Williams-esque look to him. That's the 8th freshman in the first 19 picks, which ties the record for most in an entire draft. For a second I thought I was watching The Hills.

5:54 - Charlotte back on the clock with a pick they acquired from Denver. Looking very smart for passing on Brook Lopez as there are three very good bigs still on the board. Jordan and Koufos look like the favorites here, as Charlotte definitely needs a center.

5:56 - With the twentieth pick the Charlotte Bobcats select......Alexis Ajinca, C, France. Somewhere Frederick Weis is rolling on the floor, laughing. Lets see...he's tall, he's French, and he scored a strong 5 ppg in the French league. Good news is, based on the highlights, he can dunk. That puts him ahead of Nazr Mohammed at least. Id love to pan this pick, but it really is a joke by itself. Stern went in to shake Ajinca's hand and he surrendered.

6:00 - I think Stern should probably make an announcement that Darrell Arthur didn't pull out of the draft, and is actually available. He's falling faster than Bear Stearns stock. Congrats to Darrell's agent though, who just won the award for Worst Advice.

6:03 - With the twenty-first selection the New Jersey Nets select.....Ryan Anderson, F, California. Solid pick. Nothing exciting, but this guy can score in bunches. Reminds me a lot of Don MacLean or Troy Murphy. Consistently scores from 15 feet and in, soft off the glass, and good court awareness. Could be a sleepy pick, and a solid rotation guy. At the very least, he will reduce Josh Boone's minutes, which is always a plus.

6:09 - With the twenty-second selection the Orlando Magic select........Courtney Lee, G, Western Kentucky. All of the mocks had this one. 6'5 off guard, you have to love his potential. Good midrange game, good size, he is an immediate upgrade over Keith Bogans. If he can provide solid scoring, Orlando could make the leap.

6:11 - Stu just interviewed Kiki Vandeweghe. At what age do you stop being known as "Kiki"? His full name is Ernest Maruice. How badly is this guy wishing he had just gone by Ernie or Mo?

6:12 - With the twenty-third pick the Utah Jazz select....Kosta Koufos, C, Ohio State. Rhymes with "goofus," and that's not an accident. Not what you call "pretty boy," he already has an endorsement deal in place with Pizza Hut. Good size, great touch and shooting ability, this guy has a lot of potential. I'm embarrassed to say I'm angry the Warriors didn't grab this guy. Fairly athletic, an excellent perimeter player, with a year in the very physical Big Ten. Only a freshman, he could be a player down the line. He should develop into a perfect replacement for Mehmet Okur in Utah, and I am officially angry that those clowns are now even better. Utah has to officially be in the championship discussion.

While we are talking about Utah, can we explore the problem with their name? I've said it before, and I will not stop saying it - Utah is the Beehive State, and New Orleans is the home of jazz music....can't they just switch names? Doesn't Utah Hornets sound ALOT better? We have the Jazz in Utah, and a team in Oklahoma City....ladies and gentlemen, common sense has left the building.

6:18 - With the twenty-fourth pick the Sonic Globetrotters select.....Serge Ibaka, F/C, Congo. An absolute basketball hotbed. You've got New York City, Chicago, Los Angeles...and the Congo. Youngest player in the draft, Fran Frachilla says he will stay and play in Spain for another 3 years. Perfect. Last year they took Saer Sene who won't be over for a couple years, now this. Very fitting that the team with no home has half their team in other countries. Stu tells us that the only other player from the Congo to play in the NBA is DJ Mbenga. Talk about being in select company. If he can be half the player DJ Mbenga is, he'll still be the best center Seattle has taken in the last 5 years.

6:25 - With the twenty-fifth pick the Houston Rockets select......Nicolas Batum, F, France. Ill say it...solid pick. This guy can actually play. He was a potential lottery pick last year. Solid shot, great athleticism. I'll go out on a limb and say his defense is raw, but offensively, he can be a player. Reminds me a little of Pietrus or Sefolosha. Houston has a nice rotation, and this could turn out to be a strong pick up.

6:31 - With the twenty-sixth pick the San Antonio Spurs select......George Hill, G, IUPUI. Ooey-Pooey is on the board! Darrell Arthur is asking to borrow the butter knife that D'Antoni uses to trim his mustache so that he can slit his wrists. This pick was so exciting that Stu threw it to commercial right after the pick after his analysis that, "No one has heard of Hill. We'll be back." Scintillating television!

6:35 - Nine freshman have now been drafted, with Jordan still ready to go. The cast from Saved by the Bell spent more time in college than this draft class.

6:37 - New Orleans is selling this pick to Portland. The Blazers are about to have 27 guys on their roster. I still think their JV team could beat the T Wolves.

6:38 - With the twenty-seventh pick the New Orleans Hornets select......Darrell Arthur, F, Kansas. Finally! Last man in the "green room" which is actually a table in front of thousands of friendly New Yorkers. Props to the 8 people remaining who cheered for him. Even David Stern gave him the 80's movie slow clap. Katz says that the physicals revealed a kidney problem, so the slide was a health issue. Must Improve: Peeing. If his health is ok, he is just another superb player to add to the Portland rotation. Not as athletic, but is better developed than Julian Wright.

6:44 - With the twenty-eighth pick the Memphis Grizzlies select.....Donte Greene, F, Syracuse. Absolute steal. 6'9, 220, decent interior game, but a solid shooter. Won't play right away, but can really develop into an effective wing player. Memphis has added Greene and Love, and Marc Gasol is coming over from Spain, meaning that Memphis has improved tremendously tonight. There is still a possibility that Chris Wallace will trade Greene for a ball rack and a firm handshake.

6:51 - Ric Bucher just reported that the NBA did a physical and Darrell Arthur came up healthy, but they refused to provide those medical reports to GMs who requested them. Mark it down, there will be a lawsuit by Arthur's people. They have to save face, and one could argue that the League cost him millions based on his originally projected draft position.

6:52 - Bilas just said that Bill Walker has some "knee problems." He blew out both of his knees in high school and then as a freshman, and then blew his knee out again during workouts. He has knee problems the way MC Hammer is "a little short on cash."

6:53 - With the twenty-ninth pick the Detroit Pistons select......DJ White, F, Indiana. Solid solid pick. White is a very good back to the basket player who should team well with Jason Maxiell to provide a quality backcourt. Joe Dumars is officially a great GM (Milicic = mulligan). This should signify the end of the Rasheed Wallace era in Detroit.

7:00 - Stern is waiting to announce the Celtics pick, which means the hosts have been talking about their championship for a solid 8 minutes now. I am officially in the seventh circle of hell....

7:02 - With the thirtieth pick the Boston Celtics select.....J.R. Giddens, F, New Mexico. Shocking pick, but a super athletic player. Must Improve: 10 cent head. A very talent player, this guy has lottery talent, but a sketchy track record. If he can turn around his character history, he could be a true steal at this point. Excellent hops, unlimited range, he could be a long term solution to replacing Paul Pierce. I don't know how it happened, but somewhere down the line, Danny Ainge figured out what he was doing. This is a quality grab.

So endeth the Diary! The mute button has been smashed into oblivion as Dick Vitale's face has appeared on my screen in high def. Let me guess what he is saying, something about "freshman should stay in school", "Duke players are the greatest", "I'm loud, I love potential", "Why won't Christian Laettner answer my love letters?"....and on, and on, and on. After three hours, and one of the most uneventful drafts in recent memory, I bid you, kind reader, adieu.

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I feel sorry for the guy who

I feel sorry for the guy who wrote this...couldnt read the whole thing, too much negativity. hes a smart ass, which is funny, but every joke was for a negative purpose. not fun to read.

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Do you ever say anything positive? It was pretty in-depth though.

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Teammates Malik Hairston and Maarty Luenen unexpectedly heard their names called but Taylor didn’t.
Chat Sohbet Muhabbet Egitim Egitim eJJe Egitim ATATURK Ruya Tabirleri
Siirler Hikayeler Fikralar Programlar Guzel Sozler Resimler freetemplates Taylor was arguably Oregon’s best player last season, but his 6-foot-4 frame makes him a undersized at the next level. Nonetheless, his scoring ability, length and athleticism give him a chance to make in in the league.

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